


I Just Need a Break

by spun809



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Caring Sam, Dark Dean Winchester, F/M, Fluff, Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Hurt/Comfort, Language, PTSD, Sam is wonderful though, Smut, Violence, WIP, he is a bad guy, non con, seriously dark themes, sweet smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-06 10:58:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10333145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spun809/pseuds/spun809
Summary: You were used to hunting on your own but after meeting Sam and Dean had been enjoying the company, until you had enough of the older brother. Will you ever get a chance to tell Sam how you really feel?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tried to get all the warnings for all chapters in the tags, but if something strikes you as not specifically tagged let me know so I can add it. This isn't technically a WIP but I may be adding more later.

You slammed your door shut so hard it rattled in the frame. Dean was infuriating, he kept telling you to stay in the bunker, and that “he didn’t want you to get hurt.” The fact was you had been hunting for years and managed fine. This was not even a particularly difficult one, only a single rogue vamp a few towns away. 

Ever since you stumbled into the Winchester’s lives they treated you like a side kick. Dean telling you where to go and what to fight and Sam always telling you to research this or that. You didn’t get it, you knew lore better than most hunters and you didn’t need Dean to tell you that the way to take down a vamp was by dosing it with dead man’s blood first. 

Shoving your clothes and few random belongings into your backpack, you had decided this was enough. Maybe having friends was overrated. Besides the last time you checked friends actually supported each other and you doubted those two brothers would even notice you were gone. Pulling on one of Sam’s oversized hoodies you were ready to go, returning it was out of the question. He could think of it as a parting gift for putting you through all this. Besides it was the perfect amount of comfy because it was huge on you, you definitely weren’t keeping it because it still smelled like Sam. 

Still fuming you turned to get out of this creepy underground lair and as you pulled open the door you bumped face first into Sam’s chest . “Hey y/n, can we talk?” You could see the way he was eyeing the backpack slung over your shoulder. 

“Sorry Sam, I’m out.” You went to push past him but he stopped you, putting his massive paw on your shoulder and spinning you around. 

“What? No, I thought Dean talked to you. That hunt? He already left.” 

“I did talk to him, I am actually done talking.” The look in his eyes was breaking down your resolve to leave, if you didn’t go now you weren’t sure you would be able to later.“I am not a little girl, I am leaving, going back to hunting things solo.” Prying his hand off you started to march down the hallway. Sam’s heavy footfalls let you know he was following you but you didn’t glance behind you. Unable to see the broken eyes staring at you, telling you without words exactly what you already knew, that leaving was breaking his heart. Both boys had lost everyone but you knew in the end he had Dean and that was all that really mattered to him. 

“Please don’t do this,” his words were choked out behind obvious tears. You wanted to stop to tell him the truth. Spending nights alone in your bed wishing Sam was next to you. Picturing the two of you sitting and doing research together drinking coffee, you sat trapped by yourself while they went out on hunts torturing yourself with the fantasy, but you knew he was emotionally unavailable and with the way Dean kept treating you like you were made of glass it was destroying you. 

“I’m sorry,” you walked out into the cool night breathing in the fresh air. It made the your skin tingle. 

Kicking your shoes off you flopped down onto the cheap motel bed. It was identical to the countless others you had stayed in but reminding you of what you had left. You sat up pulling your laptop out of your bag trying to look up a new lead on a case. Sitting, pretending this was normal, wasn’t going to get your mind off things. It had taken two days of hitchhiking to get far enough away from the bunker to finally feel like you were truly away from the boys. 

You had left the beat up car you had at the bunker, knowing how adept the boys were at finding people and tracking them down, a familiar vehicle would have made it too easy. You doubted they would care after a week or so but this soon and Dean might decide it was too dangerous for you to be out in the world. When your phone buzzed you sighed but looked at it anyway. 

Sam: Please come home so we can talk, Dean’s really worried. 

Y/N: No, I’m fine and I won’t be going anywhere near the bunker. 

Sam: I can’t lose you, OK? I don’t know what’s going on but we can fix this.

You turned off your phone. For a second you debated telling Sam everything but that was dangerous. You fought monsters, you did not deal with your feelings, instead you got busy stabbing things and working out the emotions you buried. Telling Sam your feelings was like walking through a mine field. Searching through newspaper articles you found the two things you were looking for: a cheap used car and a case, seemed like a ghost. The next morning you would call the guy about the car then follow it up with a simple salt and burn.

Laying in bed, you pulled on the blankets trying to get comfortable, you couldn’t really fall asleep. Moaning and random knocks on the wall indicated the couple in the room next to you was having a wild time. You wished you had the silence of the bunker, or the ability to pace around the huge library when you couldn’t sleep. Mostly you missed those night time walks to the fridge where you would bump into a groggy Sam all rumpled from sleep. 

The salt and burn was less simple then you’d hoped. The body had been cremated but it was obviously a spirit. When you finally figured out that it was a women whose husband had been cheating on her and was killing off his past lovers, you looked hard to find the thing that was keeping her here. Eventually you realized it was a bracelet that he had made her and given to his new girlfriend. After it got burned you were done but exhausted. Slamming your car door shut you were ready to get some sleep. 

Trying your best on the drive back to your motel to not fall asleep at the wheel. You cranked the radio and the song reminded you of Dean, it was Bad Company rambling on about being ready for love. Gritting your teeth together you clicked it off again, thinking about the boys and love was not going to work. Trudging up to your motel door you were done. When you noticed the door was slightly open, you suddenly felt wide awake. 

Pushing open the door slowly you grabbed the knife you kept in the back of your jeans. Ready to strike at any sign of some weirdo lurking in the shadows, suddenly the room was flooded with light. It took a second for your eyes to adjust and sitting at the head of the bed was none other than Sam fucking Winchester. Dropping the knife, you felt your guts clench in rage. If you had kept it in your hand you probably would have stabbed Sam out of pure frustration. 

“So, have you been looking for me since I left?” You were curious, even though you were pissed, since you thought you had covered your tracks pretty well. 

“I put a GPS tracker into your phone back when you were at home, it worked.” Sam’s eyes were cold and angry.

“OK well it’s time for you to go now.” Walking to him you tried to pull him off the bed to steer him out of the room. He didn’t budge. 

“Nope were going to talk about this, how could you do this y/n to Dean, to me?” 

“It’s complicated but lets start with the fact that I was over being side lined,” you started to pace, if you thought your rage over their earlier actions had subsided you were wrong. “ I’m a hunter Sam, I am not some prisoner you two could keep locked in the bunker.” 

Sam eyed you suspiciously, “We shouldn’t have done that, but we care about you.” He tugged at the edge of his sleeve, “we wanted you to stay safe.” 

“Safe isn’t in the job description, there is no safe for hunters, that shit is for civilians,” there was part of you that felt wrong doing this, trying to hide how you truly felt towards him, veiling your leaving in anger about how they treated you. You knew he deserved to hear the other reason you walked out the door. You sighed, “besides that isn’t the only reason I had to leave.” Finally his eyes met yours, but you glanced away. Otherwise you were worried you would lose it, “I started thinking about you Sam, as,” you paused trying to find the right words, “more than a friend.” You let the words hang in the silence, waiting on Sam to say something. 

Instead you felt his hands tug on your face forcing you to look at him, then he pressed his lips to yours. It was soft, a barely there pressure, and the angle was strange with him still sitting and you hunching down to meet him. His eyes were closed but yours were wide in shock. You backed away. 

“I thought you said?” He looked at you in total confusion. 

“Trust me, I want to Sam.” You ran a hand over the side of his face and he stood up his body crowding against your own, “but I know you and Dean. You don’t have room in your life for me.” This time it was Sam who backed away, he sat back down heavily on the bed. 

“That’s why you left, you thought I’d hurt you. That I would choose Dean over the two of us.” He scrubbed a hand over the place you had touched his face. “Clearly you don’t know me at all then.” 

“Actually I do, and I don’t blame you. That is your brother but honestly I could see how this would go,” and you could, “we would start to try and make a life together. Then Dean would go do something suicidal, or you would. Then the one left holding the bag sacrifices everything to get them out of it.” 

Sam patted the place next to him on the bed, indicating that you join him and so you did. You leaned your head against his shoulder. Heat was coming off of him like a furnace. 

“It doesn’t change how I feel about you though y/n, or that we wouldn’t do the same thing for you.” He started to rub your hand gently.

“I wouldn’t want that, that’s the difference,” that much was true.

“Come back with me and we can work this out together.” He threaded his fingers through yours. 

Considering it, the way your relationship with them would have to change, it didn’t seem possible. Though, the last few days without Sam, it made you realize you missed being with him. Hell you even missed Dean. “Right now Sam you need to know, things will be different. I am going on hunts. I am not staying locked in the bunker,” and even though you didn’t want the next thing you said to be true it was, “if it happens again, I don’t care what we decide about us, I won’t be coming back.” 

“Yes, I promise, it will be different.” He pulled you into a hug and whispered in you ear, “can we stay here tonight?” You nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

Letting go of you he moved to lay in bed, you laughed. “What are you going to sleep in your clothes?” 

He blushed, “uh no? I kind of didn’t bring anything to change into.” 

“We’re both grown-ups, I think I might survive laying next to you in boxers.” Although you felt your face begin to heat up at the idea. Trying to act more mature than you felt about it, you went over and grabbed Sam’s hoodie you had been sleeping in and started to undress, trying not to picture him semi-naked. 

Tugging your shirt off, your skin prickled to the air, then you heard Sam suck in a breath sharply. Warmth seeped into you at the sound and the gooseflesh died down, your back was to him, feeling bolder as you unhooked your bra. Lastly you shimmed out of your jeans. Standing there in nothing but your underwear you felt vulnerable. You grabbed the hoodie off the nightstand and slipped it on. Sam had used his time with you changing to undress and slide under the covers, his feet almost poking out at the bottom. 

He probably would have fit better under the blankets if he wasn’t trying his best to pull them up to cover his body. Still, you were able to get a good view of his muscular chest and shoulders, and if left you wanting to touch him so badly you fingers twitched. Then you reigned it in, now wasn’t the time. Although having your way with him right there was tempting, trying to figure out where you both stood first was the smart idea. As you got into bed you tried your best to give as much space between you as the bed would allow. Sadly, since you had thought you were on your own and Sam was huge that only allowed about an inch because the bed was so small. Sam was completely still staring at the ceiling, his arms were clamped tight next to his sides, you turned over facing away from him. 

“Night Sam.”

A few minutes later you felt am arm slip around your waist. “I can’t sleep,” Sam’s lips brushed your ear as he spoke to you and you felt your core tingle. 

“We shouldn’t,” you felt his hand push up the sweatshirt and his fingertips danced across the skin of your stomach, “it’s too quick,” you gasped. His touch wasn’t exactly sexual but you had thought about this so often you were craving more. 

As his hand moved up to massage your breast you felt yourself getting wet, “tell me to stop then,” his words were punctuated by tweaking your nipple, still you knew from his tone he meant it. You couldn’t though, you had thought about how being with him would be, you wanted this. So, you sat up and pulled the sweatshirt off, giving him easier access to your body. The next thing you knew he was standing up, you felt weird, like maybe something had ruined the mood. It only increased as Sam flicked on the light. 

He looked at your face and noticing your worried expression, “I want to see this,” he said and pulled the blankets onto the floor. Exposing you to him, your body totally visible in the strange light of the room. “Lay down.” 

Putting your head on a pillow, you adjusted yourself so you were in the middle of the bed. Sam looked gorgeous, his body was toned and defined from his biceps, pecs, calves. Seeing him like this reminded you of the mornings back at the bunker where you would watch him working out. He had a perfect v in his abs that lead into his boxers which were already bulging with his arousal. Best of all though was the look of adoration in his eyes. 

“Do you like what you see?” you awkwardly pointed to yourself. It was hard to understand why Sam would want to be with you and you were feeling a little insecure. 

He got on his knees and kissed the inside of your ankle. “I love every piece of you,” he said slowly between pressing a kiss into your knee then another on your stomach. It was soft and gentle and his hands roamed over you doing nothing but getting familiar with every part of your skin. 

Then his lips were at yours, at first it was the same calm exploration but quickly his tongue pressed at the seam of your mouth for entrance. It became desperate and hungry, he bit your bottom lip. You let out a low moan. “Does it feel good?” He said moving down to bite at your neck. 

Moving your head in a slight nod, you felt like the words were lost inside of your desire for him. He tangled his hand through your hair and used it to expose more of your neck. Sam was in control but it wasn’t dominant, it was like he wanted to take care of you in a way that showed just how well he knew you. As he brushed his lips lower over your clavicle and then the swell of your breast. 

Unlike the typical guy you had been with in the past who was ready for a quicky with no real connection, Sam whispered hushed praises against your skin. “You are the most beautiful,” he stopped to suck your nipple into his mouth, “ woman I have ever known,” he finished as he released your nipple. Anticipation had been building and when Sam’s fingers brushed over your mound your hips jerked forward. 

Chuckling he turned his eyes up to meet yours, “you want it bad don’t you y/n?” 

This time you found the words. “Sam I need you to,” you focused on forming a coherent sentence, “I need you to touch me, please.” Brushing his fingers against your folds, feeling just how easily they moved across you due to your slickness.

Letting out a labored breath you felt his thumb press against your clit, he moved in small circles. With each pass he was increasing the pressure until you were writhing underneath him. More than anything you wanted to feel him in you but clearly he was enjoying taking things slow. His eyes were hooded as he watched himself touching you, then he took a finger and pressed inside. It was thick and was all at once too much and not enough. You let out a gasp. 

“God y/n you sound so amazing.” He punctuated his thought by adding another finger. He started pushing in and out of you rapidly, his thumb still bumping against your clit. 

“Deeper Sam, please,” you begged not caring because you were getting so close to cuming. Clearly all you had to do was ask because he quickly shifted you legs up over his shoulder and found an angle where he could press his digits even further into you. 

A few swipes against your g-spot and you were done, you felt yourself contract and flutter around his fingers. You breath was jagged and your eyes shut tightly. Though you weren’t done yet, not even letting you come down from your orgasm you felt Sam nudging your entrance with his thick cock. You couldn’t even open your eyes to try and see just how big he was but as he began to push it in you knew he was bigger than anyone else you had slept with. 

This time he moved slowly, still keeping your legs above his shoulders. He was deliberate, moving into you slowly. You processed the drag of him inside you. You felt so strung out but you pried your eyes open, then Sam’s hazel eyes met yours and it was like he could sense what you needed from him. He began to piston his hips back and forth his pace was steady but not too fast, giving you time to enjoy the feeling of every thrust. 

Being with him was amazing but you wanted a moment of control, you reached out to him trying to touch so part of him to get his attention. 

“What is it baby?” He stilled. 

“I wanna, ride you Sammy.” He pulled out of you so you could both readjust where he laid down on the bed, and you climbed over him. Taking his length into your hand you positioned your entrance over him and sank down. Pressing your hands into his chest for leverage you worked yourself slowly. Sam not seeming to mind as you got accustomed to having control. As you began to move your hips more Sam let out a moan. Sitting up so he could see, you began to play with your clit, giving him a show. 

Watching you chase your own pleasure was what broke him, he suddenly grabbed your hips and started to slam up into you. His speed was brutal and it was lighting that familiar fire inside of you, the tingling spread out all across your lower body and you wanted to warn him, “Sam, I am going to cum again.” 

“Do it baby, cum around me,” he kept up his pace. Suddenly you were clamping around him. “Oh God,” Sam’s hips stuttered into you irregularly as he spilled himself inside you. 

You collapsed against him, and he just wrapped his arms around your body. You couldn’t believe you had left him. The two of you had something you never thought you could find as a hunter. This was someone who clearly loved you. Still that idea scared you, what if something happened to one or both of you? Wishing more than anything you could just enjoy what happened between the two of you, you were left to contemplate what it meant. 

Eventually Sam pulled himself out of you and brought you back a wet towel to clean yourself off, “doubted you wanted to fall asleep like that,” he was smiling as he watched you dab yourself clean. It made you want to burn up out of embarrassment but also made you feel totally loved. 

“Sammy grab me something to wear?” You asked and watched him fumble through the clothes on the floor to pull back on his boxers and toss you his white undershirt which you pulled on. He moved back into bed with you, pulling your back so it was flush with his chest. Every time he breathed you could feel it. It was more intimate then the sex you had just had. This was when Sam was vulnerable and he wanted to be there with his arms wrapped around you. 

You weren’t sure this was going to end well, but you figured maybe after you got some sleep you would be able to figure it out together. 

When you woke up the first thing you noticed was the amount of room you had on the small bed again, Sam was gone. You glanced around and saw your sweatshirt and panties scattered on the floor but all evidence that Sam had been was now gone, you curled your knees into your chest and started to sob.


	3. Chapter 3

Secretly you had hoped that Sam would come back, even though all evidence pointed against it. Still, you stayed in the motel for the rest of the day. By the time night fell you hadn’t had any sign that Sam had noticed your absence. It killed you inside.

You had your own hesitations about if you guys could ride into the sunset together, but for Sam to treat you like a one night stand, you couldn’t believe it. In the wake of your night together you mostly lounged on the bed holding yourself and silently crying. Until eventually you fell into a broken sleep.

When your phone rang it immediately had you shooting out of bed. “Hello? Sam?”

“No y/n, it’s Dean. Why would you think I’m Sam, isn’t he with you?”

This gave you pause, you had no clue what Dean knew at this point. It didn’t bode well with you though that he didn’t know where Sam was he should of been on his way back to the bunker.

“Uh y/n, hello?”

“Sorry Dean, everything is just kind of weird right now. Yeah he’s here just went out to grab some beers.” It felt strange to lie to him about his brother but you wanted to at least try and talk things over with Sam before you spilled details to Dean.

“Beers? It’s like two in the morning,” he sounded skeptical.

“Yeah well you know how I like to party,” you said sarcastically but you already were remembering how overbearing Dean could be.

“Whatever, when are you guys going to come home?” His familiar irritation filled the phone. It was like he was standing in the room with you.

“I dunno Dean, I’ll let you know when we leave.” You doubted you finding Sam and then leaving anywhere together would be happening, but you thought you could maybe buy yourself a day or two.

“Screw this, I am already on my way, see you in the morning.” Never mind, you thought as he hung up on you.

With Dean’s arrival looming over you, you put on your big girl pants and tried calling Sam’s phone. It rang a few times before his voicemail came on.

It was clear this had to do with your night together, since you had already taken care of the supernatural related occurrence in town. You glanced out at your car in the parking lot. Maybe you could find out where Sam was by driving around, the town was small, so you could get lucky.

The night sky sparkled down at you, it was like something out of a movie the sky was clear so every star twinkled down like a suspended diamond. Normally you could have appreciated the beauty of it, but with each diner and Gas n’ Sip parking lot you found sitting empty it just made you feel lost. Where was Sam?

Pink skies streaked with orange and blues greeted you as you pulled back into the motel parking lot. Then your heart sank even more, the familiar dark form of the impala was parked next to your room.

“Where’s Sam?” Dean demanded as soon as you got to the door of your room, you pushed past him to unlock the door. This wasn’t a conversation, scratch that, fight you wanted to have in the parking lot.

You walked into your room but Dean grabbed your arm to stop you, “hey, can we talk about it inside?” Your eyes pleaded with him as you spoke. Lucky for you he let you go and followed you inside.

You closed the door behind him. In a matter of seconds he was pacing around your room angrily. You sat down at the small table that carried the contents of your day of misery following Sam’s departure, stale coffee, your hunter’s notebook and a few open books from your last case. It was hard to feel mad at Dean you knew he was just worried about the only person left alive he loved, Sam.

You looked at Dean and his eyes pierced into yours. “Dean, I’m sorry but I don’t know where he is,” your voice was soft. Trying your best to contain any hint of malice towards him.

“I know y/n! He finally called me back while I sat here waiting on you, what the hell were you thinking?” He was in your face hands gripping bruises into your shoulders as he shook you.

"Wait, then why are you pissed at me? For leaving? I really thought you couldn’t care less.” It wasn’t a dig at him, but you were astonished at his rage.

What you said seemingly struck him enough to get him to let go of you, he took a step back and ran a hand through his hair. “No, how could you sleep with him?” His eyes found yours and you watched his face crumple with sadness.

Now you were getting pissed, “how is that your business?” Everything you had been thinking about your night with Sam and the feeling of walking up alone exploding out of you in a white hot rage at Dean. “Just so you know your precious brother fucked me and then left me alone here like a cheap whore! And then you show up here to bitch me out for it?”

He reached out to touch your shoulder but you stood up and backed towards the door. “Don’t fucking touch me Dean,” you didn’t have to scream it for him to understand how serious you were, he immediately dropped his arm.

"He left because of me,” Dean’s eyes dropped to the floor.

"What does that mean?” Now you were just confused, what did Dean have to do with anything?

He didn’t look back up but spoke towards the dirty spot on the carpet, “he got the message saying I was coming here, he didn’t want me to find the two of you together, he told me truth when we talked but he just didn’t want me to see it.”

"Because, what I’m not good enough for your baby brother?” You asked, knowing that of course Sam would choose Dean’s feelings over yours.

"What? No,” he looked back up at you and this time you couldn’t read him at all, “because before I sent him here to find you, I told him about how I felt about you,” he said.

"Uhh meaning?” Your stomach clenched at what you knew was coming though.

"I love you y/n,” he walked over to close the distance between you putting a hand to your face.

You were frozen as your watched wide eyed as his lips moved toward you. You never thought about Dean like this, at best he was like a big annoying brother, but this was wrong.

At the touch of his lips on yours, you continued your impression of a statue, faintly from what sounded like a mile away you heard the door to your room open. Then a voice snapped you out of your trance.

"How could you do this y/n?” You knew it was Sam’s voice before you even turned towards him.

He had never looked so hurt, not even when he watched you leave the last time, before you could even stutter out an explanation he was making quick strides over to where Dean stood. He quickly cocked back his arm and you knew all to well what was going to come next.

There was a sickening crack as Dean’s nose broke, you could hear him scream and cover his face but blood poured out everywhere. You rushed into the bathroom to grab a towel which you helped Dean press onto his face.

Sam was already half way out the door by the time you turned to talk to him. Quickly you darted out after him, leaving Dean muttering and clutching his busted face. Maybe, if you had turned around you would have seen Dean silently pleading with you to stay but you only had eyes for Sam.

"Sam stop, wait and let me explain,” you easily jogged to where he was sitting on a picnic bench past the outskirts of the motel parking lot. He barely glanced at you as you stopped in front of him, you were out of breath but it wasn’t from physical exertion. There was something about being this close to him again that left you needing more air.

“Why don’t you just go back to Dean?” When he looked at you, he looked tired. “I knew when he told you, when he came here and had his chance,” he looked away again, “you would always choose him.”

Sitting down next to him you picked up his hand, but he just pulled it away from you. It seemed like everything was just going sideways on you again. This was worse than you could have ever imagined. At first you had wanted to leave so you could have independence but what you were doing to Sam and Dean that was your worst nightmare.

You stood back up and kissed the top of Sam’s head. Noticing the familiar smell of cheap motel shampoo, the overly clean scent you associated with these forty dollar a night places. Still you savored the last chance to be this close to him as you got up and walked towards your car. As you fumbled with the broken car door and got it to finally open you glanced back at Sam, he was watching you. It could have been a trick of the sunlight now creeping at its highest point but his eyes looked tearful. 

Then you looked over to the door of the room of your motel, the scene of your utter defeat and saw Dean, no longer trying to staunch the bleeding of his nose but you could see the shadows of bruising underneath his eyes. It was all too much. 

Putting your foot on the gas and accelerating, dust flew out from behind the car. Any place in the world would be better than here. It was quickly becoming a pattern for you to run away from things that might be better dealt with but the boys needed time away from you to cool off. That much you knew for certain. After looking for Sam around town last night you knew where pretty much everything was, so you decided to get some food at the local diner.

There were signs in the window proclaiming they had ‘the best pie for 100 miles’ and it made you huff out a sigh. If Dean wasn’t so busy screwing up your entire life by professing his undying love for you maybe you would all be here together eating it right now. It was all flashing in your mind, Dean leaning in a kissing you, Sam punching his own brother full out in the face, and then Sam just sitting there saying he knew you would choose Dean. You couldn’t believe any of it. Just a few days before you had been at the bunker sure that neither of them thought of you as more than a fragile princess and now this. 

After spending your life too busy focusing on hunting to ever consider getting into a relationship, here were the famed Winchesters telling you they wanted you. Your own hesitation with Sam came from a place of practicality. Hunters died young and horrible, it was a fact. It wasn’t like you could ever give him the family he might of had with Jess or Amelia. With what had happened with Dean though was so much worse, while you hated when they choose each other over you, there was no way you would ever be the thing that separated them from each other. 

Sitting contemplating all of this the waitress interrupted your thoughts, she was slight and her long brown hair was messily thrown up in a bun, she looked the way you secretly wished you could and you felt suddenly jealous towards her ability to have a normal life. 

“What can I get you hun?” she said looking like your answer was going to be the most genuinely fascinating thing that had ever been said.

“Just a cup of coffee, and some cream and sugar,” you knew it wasn’t her fault but you no longer felt hungry. 

“That’s not really a meal,” Dean’s voice quipped at you in the nasal way of someone who just had their nose broken. He slid into the booth across from you and you saw the waitresses face register confusion at his sudden appearance and then shock when she saw the damage Sam had done. “We will have two burgers and side of fries to go with the coffee,” he said this time to the waitress who nodded and scurried back to the kitchen. You had been far too lost in your own thoughts on the drive over because if you had been paying attention you might have noticed the impala in the rear-view mirror, Dean must have been following you since a minute or two after you left them to meet you here so quickly. 

“I just need some time to think ok Dean? Why don’t you go to the hospital?” You looked at him, back at the motel before you left you had seen the beginnings of bruises but in the florescent light of the diner he looked like a half beaten corpse from a horror movie. 

Picking up the metallic napkin dispenser from the table he glanced at his reflection, wincing slightly then trying to school his face into one of casual disinterest. “I’ve had worse, Sam hits like a girl,” then seeing your expression at his comment backtracked to add, “I meant like a three year old.” 

Clearly he wanted to talk about everything, even with his little jokes about Sam. Still you weren’t sure what to say. You didn’t want to hurt him even more by telling him that it was Sam that you loved, and that you couldn’t even be with him now because of the rift it had caused. You found your courage though because you knew you would have to tell him eventually, “Dean, I’m sorry but back at the hotel that shouldn’t have happened.” You paused. 

“Yeah I think you should tell Sam that,” he said and then you realized he misunderstood your meaning.

“No, not Sam. The kiss Dean,” the smirk slid off his face, replaced by a raw look of pain. “The thing is I love Sam, I think of you as brother.” You finished, noting how he was playing with the fork on the table avoiding your gaze. 

Suddenly he seemed to have snapped back into himself though as the weight of everything was hitting him, “You know what y/n? Fuck you, if you think you and Sam are just going to have some normal life…your not.” He reached into his pocket and then slammed some bills onto the table, then he leaned right in next to your face so the rest of the restaurant couldn’t hear. “And keep the change, cause you are a whore.” Then he stormed out. 

It would have been impossible to hold back the tears that spilled out of your eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Grabbing a handful of the napkins from the table, you wiped the tears off your face. Eyes from across the restaurant were turned towards you. In each set you could see the casual interest, curious about the man who had just left you. Even though you would never seen any of them again, you were tired of putting on the show of a poor beaten down girlfriend. Composing yourself you took a few steadying breaths, letting the air fill your lungs fully and exhaling the despair inside of you. 

A burger and fries were slid onto your table, but only for you, Dean’s food mercifully not showing up to continue your obvious embarrassment. Looking up at the waitress she gave you a small wink, “Darling, this is on me ok?” 

Trying your best to show your appreciation of her gesture you took a bite of your burger, schooling your face into a smile even though the food tasted like ash through the lens of your sadness. It seemed to do the trick though as the waitress patted your shoulder gently and bounced off to check on the other customers. 

Things should never have gone this way, when you left the bunker days ago you thought that the worst was over. You never would have guessed, even when playing your favorite game of worst-case-scenario, that one of the most blissful nights of your life would be followed by days of utter misery. 

Slight vibrations ran down your thigh and you dug your phone out of your jeans, of course it was Sam. For an instant you thought about just ignoring him but after today you figured that it could make things even worse.

“Y/n? Where are you?” his voice dripped with concern which left you with a pit in your stomach. 

“Why Sam?” 

“Because Dean is at the motel and won’t get out of the car.” His worry about you was evident but you prickled at his words.

In your mind you could picture it perfectly. Dean would be leaned back in the impala parked right in front of your room, eyes shooting daggers at the metal 6 posted there. Waiting and getting more pissed every second you were here and ready to take things to the next level the second you got back. It struck you in the next moment just how funny time was, it seemed like it had only been a minute since Dean had been so vicious but for him to back already, you touched your finger to your fries and they were stone cold, you had probably been sitting there alone for twenty minutes.

Your situation was fully hitting you causing your frustration with Sam to peak, “lovers quarrel, of course it won’t stop the two of us. We are meant for each other after all.” The words dripped acid at the absurdity that Sam thought you would choose Dean over him. 

Clearly he picked up on it, “Alright I get it, I just need to see you. Where are you?” 

Knowing he could easily find you in a town this size you had no intention of trying to hide from him, “Elmer’s diner,” you said looking at the menu to get the places name, “it is the truck stop looking place right outside town.” 

An engine starting up gave you the heads up that he was headed towards you, “be there in ten,” he said before hanging up. 

Trying to take another bite of your now cold burger, it tasted even worse than before. You gave up, looked at the crumpled bills Dean had thrown down and thought that at least the waitress was getting a nice tip for her troubles. Walking out to the parking lot you waited for Sam. Another scene in front of the restaurant goers was out of the question. 

He pulled up next to where you were sitting on your cars dented hood, kicking the front bumper with your feet restlessly. As he got out of his car, he didn’t hesitate before sitting down next to you the car sank a few inches with his added weight. 

Silence between the two of you filled the air, but you weren’t even sure how to break it. There was no fixing the past, what Sam had done in leaving and the things Dean had said, there was no changing it now. Looking towards his face though you couldn’t help but long to run your hands through his hair that had fallen into his eyes. Tension hung tight in his hunched over shoulders and you wanted to help relieve it, even though you were angry and sad you were drawn to him. Wanted to make him laugh and wipe away his sadness. 

Finally he spoke, “so what really did happen with Dean?” 

Wanting clarification since misunderstandings were quickly becoming a problem for you today, “back at the motel earlier or when he came here?” 

“Both, I guess.” 

You thought about how you were going to explain it to him and thought simple was better, since things were going to be bad with him and Dean the more you explained. “Really it was nothing Sam, he told me how he felt and kissed me before I even had a chance to tell him about us you walked in, I didn’t choose him over you,” and grabbing his hand you added, “I wouldn’t ever do that.” 

His eyes locked on to where you were entwining your fingers together, and he used his thumb to caress the back of your hand. Waiting patiently for you to keep going. 

“Then he came here and I just told him I didn’t think of him that way,” this was the part where you skated over Dean’s horrible words, knowing that it wouldn’t help anything. 

Clearly that’s where Sam’s confusion was coming from, “then why did he come back to the motel? And he looked even more pissed when I left, I think he knew I was coming to find you…” he trailed off. 

“I think he wasn’t done explaining his side of things to me,” trying your best to avoid causing more friction. Obviously Sam saw through it because he looked at your face for the first time since sitting down beside you and didn’t press anymore. 

Resting your head against his chest he wrapped his arm around your back. It felt right being next to him. You felt his heartbeat, it was like a metronome its steady pace relaxing you. Playfully you kicked at his foot with yours and you looked up towards his face, which broke into a light smile. The moment was easy but you could see the strain in his eyes and weren’t sure what to do next. 

Letting the moment pass quietly you just enjoyed the break from the drama, you knew all too well that Sam leaving because of Dean’s feelings for you was not going to bode well for the future of your relationship. Dean’s out burst at you over saying you were in love with his brother proved that. The familiar sting of tears was creeping at the edge of your eyes. That’s when Sam’s hand gently grasped your jaw tilting your face back up to meet his, and all you felt was a greedy sort of want looking at the way he studied you so carefully. 

Tacky as it was, you sat up and straddled Sam’s lap. His hands instantly wound around your waist to make sure you kept your balance since the angle was strange on top of the car. Your lips crashed against his, making your teeth scrape together at the quickness of the action. Your neediness kept you from caring about the discomfort, and soon your tongue was in his mouth exploring and massaging his. One of his hands moved up your back, rubbing easily in what you thought might be an attempt to calm you down. 

You just wanted to wipe away the last couple of days, so you tried your best to get his attention. Shamelessly you ground yourself against his lap, arching your back to put yourself more on display to him. Anyone who was in the diner could see the dirty show you were creating but it didn’t matter. When his hands crept down to your hips you assumed he had gotten the message but he pulled you off him and sat you on the ground. You were shaky as you stood there, your arousal rapidly dwindling as you looked at the seriousness etched on his face. 

“I can’t do this with you y/n, not ever again. Dean told me how he felt and I ignored it and now he is back there waiting for us, I won’t do that to him.” Sam swept his hands threw his hair. A move you knew he always did when he was feeling upset. 

Still you had enough, it wasn’t like you were betrothed or anything, you wondered if this was his way of pawning you off, “Sam did you just sleep with me because you felt sorry for me or what?” 

He looked completely affronted, “no, God, I love you.” He hopped down off the car to stand in front of you, “All I want is for us to be together, I want to take you to the movies or just lay in bed with you and talk about what kind of things you used to do before hunting.” He grabbed you hands and cupped his around them, but you jerked away from him. 

“Then why are you doing this, if you love me? Please lets go tell Dean together.” 

At your mention of Dean his face dropped and you realized that this was what you thought was going to happen the night you left the bunker, only it was worse than it ever could have been on a hunt. Sam was letting you go because of Dean’s feelings towards you. 

Instead of trying to get in your car,which Sam was conveniently blocking, you just started walking. The motel wasn’t far off and you thought you could use the fresh air, it was turning colder with the sun sinking in the distance. For a second you thought maybe Sam would run up behind you and stop you again, but the sound of your own footsteps proved that he was still standing by the car watching as you walked out of his life. 

By the time you had made it back to the motel it was mostly dark, just a faint gleam of twilight hung in the sky. Walking through the parking lot you saw the impala but couldn’t make out if Dean was inside it or not, which left you with an ominous feeling. You had secretly hoped that maybe he had gotten sick of waiting on you and left for the nearest bar to blow off steam. Still you tried to give the impala a wide berth as you walked up towards your room. 

Sticking the key into the lock you turned it, glancing back to see if anyone was behind you but it seemed calm for the moment so you stepped into your room. You walked over to the nightstand and flicked on the lamp and as the light flooded the room your eyes were drawn to the large spot of dried blood from Dean earlier. Shuddering you tried to shake off the bad feeling you had about being back here. 

“Hey baby did you miss me?” Spoken from behind you, it was clear who had said it. Only one man said baby like that, like what he really meant was bitch. Ice shot through your veins and even though you were used to looking at the foulest creatures that earth had to offer, you didn’t want to see his face.


	5. Chapter 5

Forcing your body to turn, your muscles creaked in protest against you. You smiled and you could feel the edges of your mouth twitch, it was impossible to try and play it cool when all you wanted to do was puke. His stance said everything, it was the way his feet were shifted. One was slightly in front of the other, it was an attack mode, ready to lunge at any second. Chilling you, there was a fleck of dried blood at the corner of his nose and he was huffing slightly, he should of been at hospital. His face was mangled. 

“Hiya Deano,” you were doing your best to keep things light and not make any apparent threats against him. Noticing that he was taking small shuffling steps to your left side you turned to keep facing him. 

Stopping at the point where if he stretched out his arms his finger tips would barely brush against you, “So what did you and Sam talk about?” His smirk made you feel strange, it was knowing. 

“Nothing, Dean,” dropping all pretense because at this point you figured the news of Sam’s loyalty might actually help, “he told me we didn’t have a future, he wasn’t going to hurt you.” He laughed and it made you flinch, it was like he had thrown a punch. 

“I saw you, writhing on top of him, like a fucking slut.” 

He had followed Sam, that was the only explanation, he must have seen him leave and then left and when you started walking must have had a vantage point to easily beat you back to the motel. 

“Then you saw that he stopped me, that he put an end to it?” You added hoping to at least diffuse this situation even though the way Sam had pulled you off him still made your heart break. 

Shutting your eyes, you breathed deep, trying to focus your mind on one thing at a time. You needed to have your head clear to deal with this. All of this was so strange, Dean had been acting more moody for weeks back at the bunker, but then him telling you he loved you only to shift to rage when you let him down gently and now to be weirdly fuming looking for an altercation, something was up with him. All you could hope is that you could try and figure it out so you could reason with him and calm him down, "Dean, where is all this comin...." 

Fingers tightened around your neck, bruising your instantly with their strength and choking off the words you had tried to get out leaving only a wheezing cough. He had only needed that one instant of your guard being down to pounce on you. 

Puffs of air, warmed your cheek and your could feel his chest pressing right against the curve of your spine. One of his hands crawled against your hip, causing your t-shirt to ruck up slightly. 

“Thing is back there, when I saw you with him I realized that you saying no to me isn’t going to be an option.” His words were starting to take on a fuzzy quality in your mind, it dawned on you that combined with the faint black spots you kept seeing was that you were going to pass out. 

He let go off your neck, your lungs stinging as you gulped down mouthfuls of air. In another quick second Dean kicked your foot out from under you, in ordinary circumstances you knew the move well from sparing but you were in sensory overload and couldn’t think clearly. Your feet gave out and you tumbled back, hissing as your head caught the edge of the nightstand. Reaching back you could feel the sticky warmth of blood welling up at your hairline. 

His shadow fell over you, darkening the room momentarily. “Dean I’m hurt ok, just give me a second.” You notice the hoarseness of your words, and you felt your throat burn just trying to get them out. Instead of looking at him, you looked at the blood on your hand. There was enough there you were sure you would need some stitches. 

“Can’t do that hun, and trust me this ain’t hurt.” Ripping you off the ground, all you could do was groan the room was spinning around you as he jerked you roughly onto the bed, you vaguely wondered if you had a concussion. 

All rational thought ceased when he draped his body over yours, disgust filled you as your stomach heaved at the seriousness of what seemed to be happening. Suddenly, it didn't matter why Dean was acting this way, only that you had to stop him, pressing your hands into his chest, you tried to push him off. He easily grabbed your wrists in one hand, you held your own hunting, but Dean was highly trained and loomed over you with at least 10″ of height and probably 60lbs. 

“Get off,” You kicked your legs as much as you could put with him pining you down there wasn’t much happening, “Seriously, what the fuck,” your voice began to raise an octave in fear. 

He lifted his hips slightly and you quieted, he was going to get off you obviously he was just trying to scare you as payback. You stilled waiting for him to fully move but then he was awkwardly drawing his belt off. Panic seized you and you full out screamed, it was cut off abruptly as his hand landed a head rocking blow to the side of your face. Effortlessly he bound your hands with his belt.

His face pressed in next to yours, his stubble scraping against your cheek, “No more yelling ok baby, or I promise you will regret it.” The warning chilled you. 

As he leaned back to take in your helplessness, he lifted the edge of your shirt slowly. His grin was predatory as he slowly exposed more of your chest, and you couldn’t control your tears as he rubbed a hand over your stomach continuing upwards slowly to cup your breast. His touch was light, but in his eyes you could see this was only the beginning. 

Getting off of you, you wondered what horrible thing was about to happen next. You were done fooling yourself that he was going to give up this game any time soon. As if on cue, he started to roughly yank off your jeans, pulling them down over your sneakers. It was almost like he had restrained your feet with the way your pants and underwear were tangled around your ankles. When his hand brush against your mound you couldn’t help the terrified squeak you let fall from your lips. 

Immediately you regretted it as he put his hand back around your throat, causing you to cough as your air was cut off. 

“I said to be quiet.” 

You tried to nod to show him you understood, clearly he got the message because he removed his hand to roughly shove two fingers inside your painfully dry pussy. You clenched around the intrusion and he laughed. This was not about enjoyment. 

Pumping his digits inside of you, it felt like you were being choked by him again. It was like air couldn’t make it inside of your lungs. You were having a panic attack at the sheer weight of your own terror. 

“Better breathe baby, don’t want to pass out or things could get really bad.” He threatened. 

Trying to calm yourself enough you focused on nothing else but taking air in slowly. It was working somewhat. Just as you got under control, the sound of a zipper being undone shot through the room causing your attention to flash back to Dean. It was what you had been most horrified at the thought of he was going to full out rape you. 

You watched him slowly jacking a hand along his shaft, even though clearly the excitement of tormenting you had caused him to grow half-hard. It made you sick. 

Spreading your thighs with his hands, you could feel the sting from the roughness of the pressure. You bit down on your lips to stop the sounds of the screams you knew were going to come, you clamped your eyes shut. The last thing you saw was the way he was barring his teeth like a feral dog. 

The tearing as he thrust inside you had your lower lip trickling blood inside your mouth, the metallic clang of it against your tongue. The pain seared through your lower half, there was no telling how long it went on for because you had started to ebb away from the room. 

Dimly you noticed that everything had stilled. You didn’t want to open your eyes though in case it was a cruel trick from Dean trying to torment you further. When you noticed his weight was gone off of you, you rolled to your side, spitting out blood onto the comforter and curling your knees into your chest. 

“Dean, what the fuck? What happened?” Said a voice that could have been Sam.

Then someone was grabbing you again, this time all you did was scream, over and over the sound was piercing the room around you. The hands left and you quieted eventually. 

“Y/n, its Sam, open your eyes I am going to help you, but I am going to have to touch you ok.” 

As you slowly blinked your eyes you saw the slightly blurry figure of what was unmistakably Sam standing over you. 

Opening your mouth your throat was dry, the words felt like they wouldn’t come out. Instead, you just nodded at him to show you understood. 

He undid the belt, as your hands were freed you gingerly flexed out your fingers. The tingle in them increased at the movement, the amount of injuries you must have made your skin crawl. You felt ashamed at him seeing your nudity so unfurling you tried to pull up your clothes. Ripped and sticky with blood the process was far from quick, even more so as your sore body winced with even small movements. 

“We need to get her to a hospital, like now.” Sam’s head was turned to the far corner of the room. Following his gaze you saw Dean sitting there perfectly calm his face, drawn with faux concern. 

Sam didn’t know what happened, you tugged his sleeve to get his attention and so he leaned closer to your mouth. 

“It was Dean, Sammy. He,” you paused knowing Dean was counting on your being too humiliated to talk, you forced yourself to say it, “raped me.” In a flash Sam was pulling out of your weak grip, Dean’s face realizing a moment too late that you had told his brother the truth. 

The two of them were rolling locked together on the floor a tangled ball of fists and there was the crunch and snap of bones colliding with various body parts. Sam kept grunting and screaming, “I’ll fucking kill you.” Dean sagged to the floor, more blood was coming out of his face. 

As he looked up at his brothers hulking frame, barley audible he said, “I didn’t, I didn’t mean to.” It was obvious he was trying to play out the fact that he was just a victim of passion gone rouge. Sam kicked him in the ribs and turned back towards you. 

Ripping the comforter off the bed Sam wrapped it around you, and then scooped you in his arms. The wind had picked up outside of the motel and blew wisps of your hair around your face, pieces quickly became stuck in the blood and sweat. Carefully you were laid into the backseat you had ridden in countless times before, and knew he must have snaked the keys to the impala from Dean. As the hum of the engine called around you, you could hear Sam muttering repeatedly about how he was going to help you. Sadly you doubted it.


	6. Chapter 6

The drive was short, before you knew it you were pulling to a stop. Sam got out of the car, you didn’t even try and get up. Your body was sore and you couldn’t have walked anywhere by yourself. Opening up the back door he reached out to help you up and you wound your hands around his neck. Ducking his head so he didn’t bash it on the edge of the car, he maneuvered you out. 

He hesitated as you stood, wearing the comforter around you like a cape and hanging onto his arm. The sign above the building said Emergency in huge glowing letters, you recognized as the local hospital you had stopped in briefly to talk to the corner on the case you had come here to work. It felt like an eternity ago. Back when the only monster you were dealing with wasn’t the kind who told you that they loved you. 

“I can’t Sam.” You didn’t bother to elaborate because you didn’t really need to. On so many levels you were worried you couldn’t afford to draw to much attention to yourself or even Dean. 

He turned you, so you could look at his face, you hadn’t noticed at first but there were bruises on his face and neck from his scuffle with Dean and tear tracks drying on his face. He sighed, “I know what your going to say, and I can’t force you to tell them the truth but honestly we don’t have a choice, your,” he paused obviously trying to spare your feelings, “physically more banged up then I can deal with on my own.” 

You didn’t know what you were going to tell the doctors, but you knew he was right. At the very least you needed them to check out your head. You just nodded at Sam and he half carried you up the steps while you did your best to lean into him for balance. The place was almost deserted but the one couple waiting by the entrance went wide eyed at the sight of you, which caused you to be momentarily glad that you hadn’t had a chance to look in a mirror.

The exam was pretty standard for what you had gone through, the whole story you had manufactured about catching someone in the process of and B and E was obviously not covering for the fact that your injuries were text book of something else. None of the doctors pried though, instead the finished their exam and patched up the worst of your wounds. You had been right about needing stitches and told you you had a mild concussion. They told you they needed you to stay overnight for observation, all their exact words were ignored in favor of nodding every so often. 

Sam stood in the corner of the room, he was wringing his hands together and picking at the skin around his nails. Occasionally he would chew on his bottom lip between asking quiet questions to the doctor and nurses. His eyes flicked over to you on and off. Never getting closer to the bed and seeming to just wait on you. His presence was calming though, you weren’t sure what you would be doing if you were on your own. Or God forbid, if he hadn’t come back to the motel in the first place. 

After a few hours he shuffled closer to the bed. “How are you doing?” He fumbled with his hands, like he wanted to touch you but was afraid to. 

“Great,” you fake smiled up at him, “in fact I think I will make this a regular thing.” 

His face tightened, his mouth was drawn. It made you feel guilty, you knew he was just trying to make things better but you felt horrible and couldn’t take it out on the person who deserved it. “I’m sorry Sammy,” you reached out for him trying to show him how glad you were that he was there, “I have just never felt worse in my life.” 

Walking to the edge of your bed he pulled up one of the hospital chairs and sat down, grabbing your hand between his he pressed it against his forehead. You could feel him vibrating against you and could hear his choked out sobs. 

“This is because of me,” he said but it was slightly garbled. 

Grabbing his face, you turned his face to look at you. “It isn’t, the person who did this isn’t sitting in this room.” 

“I promise I am not going to leave again, I am going to keep you safe.” 

You just nodded, there was a big part of you that couldn’t really believe what he was saying but you appreciated the sentiment. You laid back and he held onto your hand, the hours passed. You weren’t tired so you just felt the weight of your head resting against the scratchy hospital pillow and stared at the strange yellow watermark that crept across the ceiling. Sam had realized your need for silence though so he stayed quiet until eventually he leaned his head onto the edge of your bed, you could tell he was sleeping because of the soft snores. 

As sunlight began to illuminate the room Sam started to stir groggily. He rolled his head around a few times, no doubt because of the strange sleeping position. He left you to go grab some coffee, the minute his back was out of view you felt the panic start to creep in. What if Dean showed up? Your heart starting thudding rapidly against your ribs and you tried to keep forcing yourself to take slow breaths. Tears began to well up in your eyes, making the room fuzzy. 

“Hey, y/n? What’s wrong?” Sam was setting the coffee down on the side table and checking you over. 

“I didn’t,” you panted, “I don’t know…” 

You felt his hands running down the side of your face making you wince when they hit a sore spot. You could feel his breath he was so close to your face, “I am back now ok? The doctor said we could leave as soon as your ready,” he looked nervous about it though. 

You were up instantly though, realizing you had no clothes you started to panic again, you couldn’t wear the stuff from yesterday. You threw your head into your hands, “Sam I need clothes.” 

“I got some of my stuff out of the impala, its the best I could do for now.” He handed you some sweatpants and a flannel and you trotted off to the bathroom to change. 

Catching your reflection in the mirror, you immediately were dry heaving into the sink. Your eye was blackened, it traveled halfway down your cheek, there was a chunk of hair missing from where you had to get stitches, and finger shaped bruises littered the expanse of your neck. Tearing your eyes away you thought you would go crazy if you looked for even a second longer, carefully avoiding anything reflective you pulled on the clothes Sam had given you and then walked out the best you could, your lower half was still aching so much it made it hard to move freely. 

Sam helped you walk outside of the hospital, the glare of the sunlight making you squint at the harshness. After the journey to the impala you felt exhausted, squaring your shoulders you pulled yourself away from him to get over to the passenger side. Shifting around you managed to semi prop yourself up and close the door. Sam kept casting strained glances in your direction but you pointedly ignored them. 

Pulling out of the parking lot you watched the road roll underneath you. The car easily picking up speed once you were out of the little town. You were heading east, out towards the highway but you had no idea where Sam was actually taking you. Not back to the motel obviously, but it was the opposite direction of the bunker too. 

“Sammy where are we going?” 

He pulled his eyes away from the road to glance at you, his expression was worried. “I thought maybe we could figure that out, together.” 

“I can’t see him, that’s all I know.” 

His shook his head in agreement, then reached his hand out to find yours. The road kept going, for hours until the sky darkened so much that it was impossible to tell anything about your surroundings from the car. A lit up sign indicated there was a hotel up ahead in ten miles, “We should sleep there tonight,” you told Sam. 

He hummed a yes, and in five minutes you were slowing down to pull into the parking lot. He turned towards you as he put the car in park, “What do you want to do here?” 

You stared unsure of what he meant, and said nothing. 

“Do you want your own room, same room separate beds? What do you need?” He was searching your face. 

You smiled for the first time in days, his eyes glowed in the neon signs of the parking lot reflecting the pure concern there. You leaned over at the crazy awkward angle to squash his body into a hug arms wrapping around as much of him as you could. His hand gently rubbed your back, and he leaned his head against the edge of your shoulder. 

Pulling away slightly you added, “One room two beds, ok?” Then you kissed his forehead. 

You waited in the car while he got you checked into a room, you didn’t want to cause a scene by walking in all beat up in Sam’s oversized clothes. He came out flashing you the key, so you got out of the car noticing how your muscles cringed with stiffness after sitting all day. You thought about taking a walk around but then looked around the darkened cars and shuddered, you didn’t want to be outside by yourself. 

You walked the short distance over to the door of the room Sam was standing in front of, figuring this was your home for the next few days until you both sorted out what you were going to do next. It had the same familiar feel as all the other rooms you had stayed in. Briefly an image of the spot of blood from Dean’s face drying on the carpet flashed in your mind and you grasped the frame of the door as a way of nausea rolled through you. 

When you felt a firm pressure on your shoulder, you jerked. It was too much for you. You could smell Dean and picture him standing over you. All you could picture was the way his hands had touched you, the fear. Vaguely, you knew it wasn’t really real, you were not there but the room kept making you flick back in your mind matching all of the similarities against each other. 

“Y/n? Sit down ok,” distantly you heard Sam’s voice. It was enough of a difference to remind you that it was not the same place and you were safe. So you slid down against the wall, he kept talking to you, “just breathe, really slow.” 

Opening your mouth you drank in a slow breath and then released it, the memories were fading into the background and Sam’s worried face came swimming into focus before you, he was holding a glass of water. When you calmed more you took a few sips out of the glass while he tipped it back for you, your hands shaking too badly to hold it on your own. 

“Hey lets get you over to the bed?” He said setting the glass aside to pull you up and get you over to the bed. 

Settling on the lumpy mattress you knew it was going to be a long night. You were glad he was with you, watching him as he moved around the room, he was unpacking his laptop from his duffle bag and setting it at the bottom edge of your bed so you could watch movies on it. The tv in the room was a dud, the picture flickering out every few seconds, so it was on to plan b. 

“Are you hungry? When did you eat last?” Sam turned towards you, and said after a while of both of you sitting zoned out watching some stupid comedy. 

You thought about it, you couldn’t remember but you didn’t really feel hungry. “Not sure,” you shrugged. 

He was getting up and taking out the phone book that everyone ignores in motels and flipping through his finger traced a page after a while and he made a call, “Hey can we get a large cheese pizza to the,” he glanced at the motels stationary, “the stillwater motel.” He nodded at whatever the guy on the other end said and then hung up. 

“Why didn’t you just look on your cell?” You had noticed that he had gone old school all of sudden. 

He looked towards the ground, suddenly avoiding your gaze, “I don’t want him to try and find us, besides I am sure he has been calling it non stop and I just can’t hear his voice.” 

It was like being in a strange bubble, Sam and Dean were always together. You were left to just wait until this all popped and Sam forgave his brother, maybe while you sat there wounds still fresh his guilt wouldn’t allow it but eventually he would cave. The thought had you spiraling and you started sobbing at your future abandonment. Sam sat next to you wrapping you close to him, you let him. Trying to enjoy the seconds until you would be alone.


	7. Chapter 7

Slowly you stopped your outburst. You were tired sick of wasting your time feeling miserable. Pulling out of Sam’s grip around you, you pressed a kiss into his cheek feeling the scrape of his stubble. As your lips left his face you noticed with a heavy feeling in your gut the way he chased your touch as you left him. 

“I’m sorry, I know he’s your brother,” you hesitated as his face tightened, “I just don’t know where are going to go from here.” 

“We’ll figure it out, I am not going back there, this time is the last time I go running back to him.” He said and there was a look of blazing anger in his eyes, you weren’t used to.

You nodded, there was no way you were going to talk to him about this now, it was typical Sam to feel angry at a horrible decision made by Dean and then to forgive everything after another evil thing came along. 

You wanted nothing more than to wash away some of the memories of the past few days, so you got up. Digging through Sam’s bag you pulled out some more of his clothes, you knew they would be huge on you but you wanted something clean to wear. 

Turning on the shower, you frowned, it was some of the worst water pressure you had ever seen. The water was barely dribbling out and you sighed stepping in. After lathering up some of the cheap motel shampoo in your hair, you were trying in vain to rinse it out, accepting defeat you called out, “Sammy hey can you come in here?” In a split second the door was being thrown open. 

“What’s wrong?” His voice was grave.

You pulled back the edge of the curtain, soap was dripping in your eyes. “I’m fine I just need you to mess with the shower, I can’t get the water to come out.” 

He studiously kept from glancing down at your body, which was probably good because you were totally battered from head to toe and you thought it might rile him up. He unscrewed the shower head and examined it before trying to tighten it back, clearly it wasn’t fixing the problem though because water was still barely coming out. 

He cleared his throat, “sorry, will you let me help you?” 

Unsure what he meant but knowing Sam you agreed. He moved over to the bathroom sink and you could hear the water being turned on. Then his hand was barely pulling back the curtain, “alright, why don’t you sit down.” 

Getting onto the floor of the shower slowly you squeezed your knees into your chest and linked your arms around them. The soap was dripping off your head and stinging your cut face and eyes but you kept quiet. You noticed the sink was still running water. 

“I need you to tip your head back,” when you complied he poured some water over your hair, shielding your face with his free hand. Then him and his hand was gone, only to be replaced a second later. 

You couldn’t control the laughter that bubbled up at the realization of what he was doing, “Oh my God, seriously you are using a cup to rinse my hair?” You kept laughing the sound of it echoing in the small bathroom. 

“Hold still dude your going to get soap everywhere,” Sam said while trying his best not give in to his own laughter. 

Stilling yourself you let him finish and feeling a little better stood up to grab a towel, then you noticed Sam, you could see the way his jaw was twitching and his eyes were looking at you. You had been so caught up in hilarity of him babying you weren’t even focused on hiding yourself from him but his anger reminded you of your situation like a hard slap. You could see him staring at every cut and bruise like they were made by his own hand. 

“I need something to dry off,” you gritted out and Sam handed you one of the familiar scratchy towels that reeked of bleach. 

You stepped out onto the floor and quickly dried off so you could tug on the clothes you had brought with you. His sweatpants hung low on your hips but his shirt was so long on you it helped to hide most of your skin. 

As you tried to side step him and go curl up in bed, he quickly blocked the door, instead of walking past you bumped into his side roughly causing you to groan as it jarred your sore body. 

He let out as hiss, “I’m sorry,” and he was running his hands carefully along your arms making sure he hadn’t hurt you too bad. 

Sighing you faced him, “I’m alright,” you took his hand in yours, but hearing a knock on the door you dropped it curling in towards the wall. 

He ran a hand absently over your face, “hey calm down, it’s just the pizza ok?” 

You stood against the wall, your body was trembling, watching as Sam went and opened the hotel door and payed for you food. After the door closed again you took a breath and straightened yourself, the smell of cheese and marinara sauce was making your mouth water. 

After you had gobbled down enough food you stretched your arms over your head feeling groggy. “Thanks Sam,” you sipped on some water, “I needed that.” 

“I think food is a good place to start,” he said. 

Slowly you climbed into bed and buried yourself under covers, the room was freezing because of the constantly running a/c neither of you could figure out how to turn off, you eyelids felt heavy and you drifted to sleep not even caring that you could hear Sam moving around or that the lights were still on. 

Red lights filled the room, everything looked like it was burning around you. 

Through it all you could see black eyes that pierced through your skin.

Hands clawed at your throat. 

You were choking

You felt a hand grabbing your thigh, the fingers cutting into your skin. 

You knew what was coming, you were tensed waiting for the monster to strike.

“You know you want to, baby.” 

Gasping you eyes popped open, it was pitch black and you couldn’t tell where you were. It seemed like the blackness was pressing in on you, crushing you. Your chest rose and fell rapidly and you tried kicking off the material that was wound along your legs. 

“Sam,” you tried to yell, you needed help. 

A light flicked on, and then you heard him call out to you, “y/n? Hey shhh calm down, just breath for me.” 

You could feel his touch on your shoulder, grounding you back to the moment, you were with Sam in bed alone. Shuddering you drew in a mouthful of air and blew it back out slowly trying to calm yourself. 

“That‘s good keep going,” he said his tone was so soft it was almost like you were still in a dream. 

As you relaxed more you laid back and Sam stood, but you grabbed his arm he turned back and looked down at you, “please don’t leave.” 

You scooted over to the side of the bed and Sam took the hint and crawled in next to you. He laid there stiffly and you curled in against him desperate to have him near you. 

“Come here,” he said as he cradled you to his chest. 

Nuzzling into him your nose brushed against the soft t-shirt he was wearing and you inhaled the smell of him, so different then his brother. He smelled clean, like laundry detergent and grass. His chin rested on the top of your head and he pressed a kiss against your scalp. 

“I love you,” he said into your skin. 

A tear ran down your face, “I love you too, I always will.” 

The rest of the night faded into silence and you didn’t have any dreams you could remember. 

As warmth crept across your skin you slowly cracked open an eye. The last time you had fallen asleep with Sammy you woke up alone and at the start of this disaster. Tangled up with you, you felt his legs wrapped around yours, his arm was draped over your body. It hurt, your body still ached and his pressure only added to the sensation, but you didn't care because he was still there. You lifted his arm and slowly removed yourself from him, getting up and walking over to his bag perched on the small table next to the remains of last nights pizza. 

You could hear his heavy breathing, indicating he was still soundly sleeping, you dug into the duffle bag mind intent on seeing one thing before you let yourself believe things might actually be ok. When you felt the cool plastic under your fingers you knew you found it, the screen of his phone was black and lifeless. 

A urge to see where Dean could be gripped you, even though you knew that it was a bad idea, you held down the power button. Glancing back at the bed Sam’s back was rising and falling slowly and by the time the phone was on you saw notifications popping up one after the other. Texts, voicemails, even a few emails. Your stomach clenched, they all had the name DEAN in bold before them. 

Opening the first one you could see an immediate pattern. 

**Dean** :Sam trust me, it wasn’t my fault. 

**Dean** :Call me ok, let me explain what actually happened. 

Eventually they got angrier

 **Dean** :I will find you, you can count on it. 

**Dean** :Only a matter of time, Sammy. 

You turned off the phone, watching the screen mercifully blank out, taking away the threatening messages. Instant regret filled your body. Still, you didn’t Sam to know you had seen anything, so placing everything back in the bag as carefully as you could you crawled back into bed. Stretching out his arms he blinked at you slowly. 

“Good morning beautiful,” his smile was easy, “how did you sleep?” 

You faux stretched your limbs, “pretty good, you are a bed hog though.” You playfully punched him in the ribs. 

After a while Sam got up and made coffee which he brought to you in bed. You sipped it as you watched him pull out his laptop. His setup reminded you of the old days when you did research together. Peaking over the screen to where you sat, “hey I am going to make a few calls ok?” 

“Sure.” You were wondering if he was actually going to use his phone, instead he grabbed the white handset off the nightstand, the cord strained to reach the table. You listened to one sided conversations, you got the idea that maybe he was trying to buy something but you weren’t really sure. Getting out of bed you padded over to the table sitting across from the sweetest man you had ever known. 

Hanging up the phone he smiled up at you, “ok so I think I found something that is going to make you feel a lot better.” 

“Sounds good,” you smiled but you felt a little apprehensive. 

He started to gather everything up and put it back in his bag. He finally grabbed your hand, “lets go.” 

There was a chance that you would follow him anywhere, even off a cliff like a little lemming but you trusted him, you climbed into the impala as he slammed the trunk and got into the drivers seat. 

He turned on the music, it wasn’t classic rock, it was soft and you could hear the simple strumming of an acoustic guitar. You marveled at how peaceful it was, even though the impala reminded you of Dean, Sam had a way of scrubbing away the thought of him filling up that space with his own touches. 

After hours of driving, in what seemed like a fairly aimless fashion Sam pulled off onto a small gravel road. The car jostled up and down and you held onto the edge of the door. Pulling up you saw a small cabin. It wasn’t any spectacular but it looked quaint surrounded by trees with a little brick chimney peaking up from the sharply angled roof. 

Sam turned to face you, “honey were home.” 

You couldn’t control the words that sprang out next, “dude are you insane?”


	8. Chapter 8

His face faltered slightly, and you felt guilty. Thought the idea that Sam had found a place where the both of you were supposed to live like some nuclear family was worrisome. Sure, it was something out of fairy tale, the hero rescues the princess and they sail away into the sunset but you hadn’t spent most of your life hunting to know that most of the time even those ended badly. Recovering from the shock after your initial reaction you tried to reel it in.

“I’m sorry,” you smiled, “lets go check it out.” 

Hopping out of the car, he walked quickly to your side to open it for you. He grabbed your hand and lead you up to the entryway of the place, the paint was flaking off slightly and you could picture when it was first painted being a deep blood red, but now it all looked a muted pastel color. 

The door creaked a little as Sam jiggled the knob and used his should to force it open. He scooped you into his arms and you hit his chest lightheartedly, “What are you doing?” 

Carrying you bridal style until he stepped over the threshold, he set you back down on your feet, “it’s tradition right?” 

Rolling your eyes at him you added, “wrong tradition, you haven’t even proposed yet.” Your stomach dropped hastily, “I mean, not that you would it is just…” you stammered. 

He, thankfully, ignored you to grab your hand again. Leading you into the tiny kitchen, then the living room, and finally the bedroom. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it did come with the basics. There was a bed, you didn’t want to imagine who had slept in it before you, a couch and a small table. Plus a random assortment of other little things but it all meant you wouldn’t be sleeping on the wood floors.

“I like it.” You hugged yourself against his side, feeling that this might not be the worst situation you could imagine. 

“Good,” he leaned his head on top of yours, “I think its going to be great.” 

You were glad that Sam had managed to keep a stash of old stolen credit cards as you made your way through a small department store in the town a few miles away. You sat in the car and waited tensely for Sam to pick you out clothes enabling you to at least go out places and not have to wear his stuff, he was also going to grab food and other random necessities for your new place. 

You tapped your finger restlessly against the window, looking out onto the empty parking lot. It was the middle of the day on a Thursday so not peak shopping hours, but being out in the open made you feel nervous. You let your mind wander back to all of the texts that you had seen on Sam’s phone from his brother. Assuming that he didn’t have a clue where you both were was not a huge comfort after what had happened. 

At the squeal of metal you tensed your body, the sharp string of the door smacking against your funny bone made you yelp. 

“What did you do?” It had only been Sam loading things into the car. 

“Nothing, just a little jumpy still.” 

He tucked your hair behind your ear. You pressed into his palm, feeling the warmth of his touch bringing you back to this crazy circumstance. You were sitting here playing house with the man you loved, you wished you could enjoy it more, making up your mind that you were going to do your best to make this work. 

“Hey can I carry something,” you watch as Sam tried to balance all of the bags on his arms. 

Using his foot, he kicked the backdoor closed on the car, “Nope, I got it.” 

“I’ll go get the door,” you walked ahead of him doing your best to shove it open even though, clearly it liked to stick. Your pushed your weight into it and finally it swung inward. 

Sam started putting things down in the kitchen and put away all your new housewares. He paused, handing you a bag the plastic was starting to tear out at the bottom it was so full. 

“Fashion show?” He glanced at you, his grin was innocent and you shook your head yes. 

Wanting to get his attention however you started to tug his oversized shirt past your ears, you could feel static clinging to your hair, you dropped it on the floor. Letting yourself smirk as Sam eyed you with obvious interest, his tongue darted out across his bottom lip. It spurred you on to wiggle his pants off your hips. You had been forgoing wearing anything underneath your clothes so you were totally bare. 

Bending, you exaggerated the movement as you got into the bag of clothes and slowly slipped on one of the tank tops he had picked out, it was snug, clinging to your body and revealing your peaked nipples. You picked through a few more items and found some denim shorts, and slipped them on. Doing a quick twirl you paused facing him, “so what do you think?” 

He slid a hand along your clavicle, the tips of his fingers danced over your chest, and then he was stepping closer to you. The space between your bodies non existent. Instead of taking you right there like you were expecting he clasped his hands at the small of your back. 

“Your not ready,” he leaned his face against yours.

You started to push away from him, angry tears forming, but he held tight. So you went slack against him. You knew he was right, it wasn’t only physical, you wanted to be with Sam to further erase what had been done to you. Waiting would be hard, trying to escape what had happened, but this would possibly secure your future with him. 

You squirmed out of his grasp, he was peering at you his hair falling into his face and frowning, you ran your fingers through it to try and show it wasn’t out of anger you pulling away now.

“Your right, I know we should wait,” besides adding a light kiss against him there wasn’t anything to add. You grabbed the clothes that were scattered from you digging threw it and heaped them in your arms as best you could and carried it upstairs. If you felt the weight of Sam’s gaze on your back, you didn’t let it slow you down. 

Night fell around the tiny home you were going to share with him, and you laid against the new sheets he had placed on the bed earlier. You copied the little floral design absently, not able to sleep but not awake enough to try setting up anymore of the house. 

The bed sank down at Sam’s added weight, even though you mind had been going non-stop since the events earlier, you were calmed by the way he immediately spooned up against you. His intimacy making you feel quieted. You tried to shut down and let your mind go blank but after a few moments you started to squirm, you had a sinking feeling that as soon as you feel asleep the nightmares would start and it made your chest tighten. 

Climbing out of bed you walked out of the bedroom and over to where Sam had set up the coffee maker. You pushed buttons and pulled out a filter and did what you needed to get some caffeine. After a while you could hear the steady drip, and you drummed against the counter impatient to get what you needed to stay awake. When you saw there was enough for a cup, you poured it into one of the mugs Sam had picked out, ‘worlds best dad’ it proclaimed, you shook you head. 

“Coffee huh? Isn’t it little late,” you looked over the top of your mug to see him wiping a hand over his eyes and mouthing the words between a yawn. 

You shook your head, miming a no, “I thought maybe I could start trying to find us a case or something nearby.” 

He sat down, kicking up his feet onto the already scuffed table, watching you move around the kitchen and living room. Trying to balance the laptop, a local newspaper, and your coffee, you grimaced as you felt something wet dripping onto your foot and down the legs of your pj pants. Sam hopped up quickly, rushing over to help take your mug and bring it over to the table, then carefully sat back down. 

“What?” You asked Sam, after you had seated yourself across from him, shuffling through the newsprint. 

He looked at you guiltily, you had seen the strange expression on his face in your peripheral vision, it was the kind of thing that screamed ‘I’m worried’. 

“So, maybe stop giving me the puppy dog face,” you were trying to keep a even expression but you knew your tone was giving it away as being more than a joke. 

He pushed the laptop closed, the last thing you saw on the screen had been a headline about a man falling off the roof of a ten story building, and then you saw the shaggy hair framing the biggest frown imaginable. 

“If I were making any face,” he said as you carefully avoided any eye contact, “then what it would be saying is that this is not like you.” 

Debating what you next move should be, you knew you had two options, storm out which was what you wanted but would prove his point, or stay and continue having the worlds most pointless argument. Sam knew what was wrong, but couldn’t find a way to openly discuss it because everything came back to Dean. They were blood, and that was always going to be there, no matter how much he cared about you. 

So you just sat, lips pressed together, and waited for him to unload all of his problems with all of yours. 

“I know this can’t be easy for you, I saw what he did, ok?” 

Picking up the laptop, you threw it on the ground, pieces scattered across the floor some slipping under the fridge and stove. Sam shielded his face from the plastic shards, but it just gave you an opportunity to keep smashing things, next was the little ceramic mug. The remains of your cold coffee spraying out, finally though as you heaved in breaths you felt him grab your arm as it was getting ready to throw your cell phone. 

Yanking yourself away from him, you turned to level him with a harsh glare, “you saw what he did? That’s what we’re going to go with Sam?” The words were rushing out of you but even though you were pissed they were said in a whisper, “I go to sleep and I dream of it, I stay awake and it’s all I think about, and then you bring me out here in the middle of nowhere so we don’t ever have to face it.” 

He actually recoiled at that, it was as if you had punched him, and in a way you wished you had. You knew you were angry but the truth was trying to pretend like you were here in this house with him because you were both so in love was wearing you down, this was nothing more than a hideout, and it was an insult to how you felt about Sam. 

Calming yourself you went and grabbed the broom from the corner, it had come with the place and was so dirty you felt it defeated its purpose, then you started to sweep up piles and toss them into the garbage. Watching as the pieces tumbled in feeling that this was never going to end. 

You felt his hand cusp the back of your neck, turning around and letting the broom clatter onto the floor, you wrapped yourself around him in a hug. Noticing that you were shaking slightly but you couldn’t be sure if it was residual anger or just absolute sadness. 

“I don’t know how we can keep pretending that this is all happening because we finally found each other, were not in some romantic comedy,” you pressed against him further. 

“We aren’t pretending, things are more complicated, that’s all,” he said.

It was enough to have you knowing with certainty that he was going to play out the charade for a while longer. 

Letting you go, he moved to finish cleaning up the mess you had made, and you bent down to help him. After a while the evidence of your outburst was gone and Sam went back into the room to lay down. You weren’t tired but you followed him anyway, and this time when you couldn’t sleep you laid there and listened to his breathing.


	9. Chapter 9

Time kept sliding by, you willed yourself to stop looking at the little electronic face that Sam had set innocently on the nightstand, but you kept turning so you could see them. 3:23, am, the numbers read. Although you were wired from the coffee earlier that wasn’t the only thing keeping you fixed on the clock, it sounded like there was someone in the house. 

Past the heavy, sleep induced, breathing beside you. There was a sound underneath that, in the next room. It was a faint rustling, you were trying to convince yourself it was just the argument with Sam tonight, but it could have been footsteps. The type of feet, that knew when to walk lightly. Part of you knew you should force yourself to go check it out. Maybe when you turned on the light in the other rooms and saw nothing you could even go to sleep, but you were terrified. Pushing against the warm body next to yours you tried to focus on him. 

A book hitting the floor, the soft thud onto the hardwood, that’s when you knew. 

Nudging his chest, you heard him grumble at you, “go to sleep.” 

You didn’t take it personally, you knew his brain was still mostly asleep, instead you shoved him. When his eyes popped open and you could see the panic, you slapped your hand over his mouth, willing him to hear the sounds. 

It was completely still now, you wondered if maybe you had imagined it, you let go of Sam who was growing more concerned. 

“Y/n what’s going on?” He said pushing himself up to lean against the headboard, there was no indication he had been sleeping less than two minutes ago. 

“Nothing,” you didn’t know why but you were still trying to be quiet. 

He laid you against him, you head balancing on his upper arm, “please talk to me.” 

“It was just another nightmare.” 

As you felt him press a kiss on the top of your head, you felt guilty, you knew that you should be telling him the truth. It wasn’t even a big deal, it was just a noise, you were going through a lot. But you hesitated, there was a part of you that was sure you weren’t imagining it, and now you were really hoping Sam would go back to bed. In a way you wanted to deal with alone, prove to yourself that you could still do something as simple as walk around your own place at night, but also you were sick of giving him an excuse for thinking you were weak. 

You faked a yawn and convinced him to lay back down. Still hyper aware of any noise in the house, but beyond the bedroom there was nothing. It was now early morning and you were figuring that soon the sun would start lightening the sky, you waited an appropriate amount of time that he would have been sleeping so he wouldn’t notice when you got out of bed, carefully moving the covers off your body you slipped onto the floor. 

Instead of flipping on the light, trying not to wake Sam, you felt your way along the wall. The house was new enough that you weren’t familiar with every part of it, like you had been back at the bunker, when the edging around the opening into the living room bumped under your palm you pushed yourself away. Doing you best to adjust to the darkness, dimly you could sense what the shapes would have been in the sunlight, a couch, desk, a few other pieces of furniture. 

Scanning the floor you saw it, the offending book, the sound which had freaked you out so much before. Nothing that sinister about it really, maybe it had been placed on the edge of the bookshelf or something. 

Pushing forward you made you way through the house, all the while you were calming down, and feeling proud of the fact that you were managing to do it by yourself. Then you got the kitchen, it was one of the few rooms you didn’t need to feel around, you had spent more time there than anywhere else. 

“Fuck,” you felt your foot land on a leftover piece of ceramic from the mug you had broken. 

Bending your leg, you pushed your foot into your hand, balancing against the counter with your free hand. In the dark you couldn’t make out anything, so you knew you needed to find a light switch so you could make sure you didn’t track blood everywhere.

Hopping to the left side opposite the counter you felt for the switch and as it came on, you carefully examined your foot. Wincing you pulled out a little shard of white that was sticking out of your heel. Still trying to keep your foot held off the ground you made you way over the roll of paper towels by the sink, you were so absorbed in wetting it to clean off your foot you didn’t even notice Sam come into the room, but you didn’t flinch as he rested a hand between your shoulder blades. “Sorry, I know the light must have woken you up.” 

“Actually, I hardly even noticed.” 

Bile rose in your throat, you didn’t want to turn around, it wasn’t Sam at all. You wondered briefly if he was going to kill you right then, knowing that getting in between the two of them was the biggest mistake a person could make. Obviously, there was nothing you would put past him at this point because he was not working within the realms of normal anymore. His fingers twitched against you. It was his way of making you focus on his touch, his presence, it worked because you turned around. 

Time had not been good to him, the week or so since you had been gone had done nothing for his own beating, under his eyes traveling all the way to the tip of his nose were various colored bruises, interrupted only by a more striking darkness of self-made stitches. 

“Dean you look good.” Even though you were terrified being able to face him, the way your words struck an obvious chord was a relief. 

His face crumpled into a sneer, and he barred his teeth at you, giving him the appearance of a rabid animal. For a split second his eyes left you and traveled down to his arm, but it was so quick it had you almost second guessing he ever did it at all, it was too risky for you to focus on any one thing about him though you were trying to take in any sign of movement so you could counter him. 

“You filthy little bitch,” he chest heaved, “you think you get to keep him from me?” He laughed but it was devoid of humor. 

When he dipped his head back and had shut his eyes you used the brief interruption in his attention to step away from him, positioning your back so that it was towards the open entrance to the kitchen, you wanted an exit strategy. 

“What Dean, you thought he was going to shake your hand and congratulate you after what you did?” 

“He should have, I could have told him it wasn’t worth it, been there done that.” 

This time you were sure he kept looking at his forearm and it was making you nervous again, his words stung, but you figured if he was all hopped up on some weird spell or something none of that would matter. 

Each time you could, you inched back, not noticeably, but enough so that soon your feet would technically be the next room. “So why are you in here talking to me, why not just slit my throat in my sleep or something?” 

“There’s no fun in that, besides this is so much better watching you.” 

“Well, here I am.” The laminate ended and your feet were back on the smooth wood. 

“Nah, you don’t get it, I mean I have,” he leaned heavily on the next word, “been,” then smirked, “watching.” 

You turned, your pace stuttered to get traction and then you were running, bouncing against walls, tables, you head the shatter of one of the lamps. At this point you wanted it be noisy, sure enough you Sam peering into the hallway. You skidded to a stop and he pulled you in instinctively.

He tilted his head as he looked at you, “where is he?”

You noticed a tremor as you pointed towards the kitchen, “please don’t leave me.” Grabbing a fistful of his shirt, as he started to edge away from you. When he turned back you saw the rage, it wasn’t at you, Dean had ruined everything for him again. He was always doing this, taking Sam’s life and tearing it apart whenever it suited him. This was the first time that you noticed that he was done, he wasn’t ever going to leave you.

As you released him, you could see the way the fabric was bunched in the spot right under his rib-cage. He didn’t reach for a light, his eyes were used to the darkness, and he crept away. It wasn’t the same fumbling journey that you had made it was graceful and in every stretch of his legs or the way you couldn’t hear anything when he touched a foot you saw the way that he was a true hunter. 

It scared you more, that the evil thing this time, was his brother. 

Sooner than you wanted you watched his back vanish from sight, his smell the new familiar, one of the expensive new mint shampoo lingered. Straining you tried to hear anything but nothing for too long. Then a sound of wood splintering, more of Dean’s creepy laughter, and an argument you couldn’t really make out the words to. Eventually a door slammed and you knew it was Dean, still alive, walking out. Gripped with utter horror, you flew down the hall. 

“Sam,” nothing, “Sammy?” 

“In here.” 

You turned on the light, Sam was standing over what used to be a chair but now was kindling. 

“I think maybe we should get some more furniture.” You grabbed the remains of a chair leg then tossed it back down. 

He moved towards you, and you leaned against him, he was taking deep even breaths. If you hadn’t see the casualties and the damage you wouldn’t have believed he had just been fighting. His shirt was the perfect worn softness and you rubbed your face against it, you wanted it all right then. A normal life, it had never been who you were, but seeing the broken furniture and watching you and Sam play out the broken lives, all of it made you feel so tired. 

As he moved away you stumbled a little, “I need to clean this up, and then I’ll go look for him.” 

“Not today, alright, he won’t come back here anyway now that we know.” 

“I can’t let him get away with this.” His fist tightened around a piece of wood and you knew that blood would start oozing out soon.

You knelt down and pried his fingers open. “I just want to be with you, please lets not let him take anything more away from us.”

You had gotten down in time to save his hand from any real damage, you brought it to your mouth and peppered kisses all over his skin, finished you surveyed his face. He was calmer, the stormy look was gone. It was clear from his expression he agreed with you.


	10. Chapter 10

Balancing you held onto his shoulder propping yourself up and then you just stood there, he was still hunched over his brows knitted together and his gaze fixed at a tiny droplet of red that had dripped onto the floor, you could tell he was going over the situation with Dean but he at least wasn’t rushing out the door.

Yet.

Wrapping your arms around you chest you shivered, it felt drafty in the little place all of a sudden and you had a wild desire to start a fire, instead you started to walk towards the front of the house looking to see if maybe the door was cracked. It was firmly shut, but you noticed one of the kitchen windows had been slid open, obvious now, that it was how Sam’s big brother had gotten into your place. You didn’t know if it had been open the whole day or if he had jimmied his way inside but it didn’t matter as you pushed it closed, checking the latch was firm.

Walking back into the room, Sam was gone. You had been standing close enough to the door so you would have noticed it opening but you thought maybe he had gone to change after his scuffle. The bedroom was washed with the pink tinge of the oncoming morning, and framed in the opening letting in the light, there was your partner. He had clearly paused during his task of dressing because he was standing there an open expanse of skin, interrupted at his pelvis by his boxers than back to tan skin.

You pushed your lips to the nape of his neck, his hair was so long it tickled along the edge of your nose. His skin was on fire under your touch, it seemed as if his anger was radiating out of him in waves. You pressed your eyes closed trying to block out the onslaught of emotion at his stiffness, even turned from you there was a set to his posture, it told you he was wrapped completely in misery. So many times with the Winchester’s you had seen this. It scared you, Sam always followed his brother, no matter how pissed he got he always left himself behind to be a better sibling.

“It’s going to be ok, Dean’s going to be alright,” you hated yourself for saying it, but you really wanted to comfort him.

As he turned around, he pressed himself tight against you, you imagined it was how it felt to be crushed by a boa constrictor. “This isn’t about him, not really, I just don’t want you to be afraid anymore.”

“I’m not,” it wasn’t that you were trying to placate him, it was true. 

He pulled you back and his eyebrow quirked up in obvious skepticism. You wanted to show him, how seeing Dean again had given you something back, there wasn’t a shadowy figure chasing you in your dreams anymore you had faced him and made it out unscathed.

Surging up on your tip toes you pushed against his mouth, as you captured him in a kiss his mouth opened in surprise, and you used the opportunity to slide your tongue inside and he was quickly returning the motion. The heat you felt pouring out of him now was no longer driven by anger but lust. Once again his hands tightened around you bringing you closer to him and he ground his hips into you. Your neck was feeling cramped from the way you were tipped back, and there was a burn in the ball of your right foot but you matched your movements to his the best you were able.

As the kiss started to wander, he began to attack the edge of your jaw, you started to slip a little, “my feet hurt,” you pouted. He grabbed you roughly under the curve of your ass and lifted you up into him, it was a rare occasion that you face was level with his and you wound your legs around him. The encouragement had him walking with you firmly pressed against him, you were bouncing up slightly on his hardness and then he stopped as your back banged against the wall.

Dropping your head with a thud, you pressed into his shoulders and started to rock into him.

“You are so beautiful,” his voice was laced with desire but you could tell he was so sincere it made you feel beautiful. Pinning you with his hips he let one of his hand trace your side, but between your clothes and the position he was quickly huffing in frustration. 

Rubbing a hand on his face you tried to get his attention and let out a squeak of laughter at his put on frown, “let’s move this show to the bed.”

He smiled at you and then was guiding you back down to the floor, you held his hand and led him to the bed, and then you shoved him squarely in his chest to get him to sit down. There was a small patch of wetness on his boxers which gave you a thrill at his excitement and you were wanting to put on a little bit of a show.

Standing between his knees you lifted the hem of your shirt and his eyes were drawn to the sliver of bare skin, as slowly as you could you drew out the striptease, revealing little by little the rest of your body to him. Rocking yourself and swaying to an imaginary song who’s beat was only in your head. At every new inch of flesh you felt him running his fingers along you exploring, when only panties remained you turned your back to him and pushed out your ass as you slid them down your legs.

The hunger in his eyes had you dripping and you wanted him to touch you, but part of you also wanted him inside, like now. There was something about this time though that had you feeling you should go slow, this was the start of a new life with him, and when he put a hand along your spine to keep you from getting back up you figured he agreed. Then you felt him lick a stripe over you, and his groan at the first taste sent a little vibration along your flesh.

When he brushed your throbbing clit, you couldn’t help yourself from crying out, and the kept at it until you were squirming against him but the way you were bent prevented you from taking control. At the loss of contact your frustration peaked, but then he was helping move you to lay down.

He covered your body with his, and you wanted to feel his hardness so you tugged at the waistband of his boxers, it was slightly frantic and he slightly crushed you as he helped remove them.

Your breath caught in your throat at the feel of his dick nudging along your folds, it was the first time you had been together like this since everything had happened and a slight hesitation crept into you, he must have sensed it.

“We can stop,” your eyes had closed but when he tipped your face upward you opened them. 

He repeated himself as you locked your gaze with his, “we can stop right now, wait until your ready.”

You felt so sure after that, this was a person who would keep you safe, even from your own haste but you knew it was right for both of you. “I want you inside me Sammy,” you rolled against him, and he was sliding through your slick.

As his eyes rolled up at the sensation he clearly took your word for it because he leaned on his elbow to help guide himself to your entrance, when the tip caught against you he pushed forward. It was torture how slowly he breached you, it was so restrained you were panting at the need for more by the time he was halfway in. Snapping home, your eyes flew shut again and you howled, it was embarrassing being so needy but you were too far gone to care much.

Following your lead hips rutting quickly moving him inside he started to thrust in and out of you quickly rubbing a finger over your clit and the combination of the two sensations and his work on you earlier had you clamping around him as you peaked. Slowing he didn’t stop his motions completely but eased up as you rode each wave of pleasure.

Tension felt washed from every fiber of your body and you were a little oversensitive when Sam picked up the pace again, he was no longer rubbing you instead he had planted his hands the increase the pressure of each thrust and grinding against your g-spot, you felt your juices dampening the sheets under you, and when he started to buck into you hard you forced yourself to open your eyes, all you wanted was to watch his face when he emptied himself in you.

“Do it Sam,” your voice was hushed, “come inside me.” 

He flooded you a moment later, his eyes were squished closed and his face was screwed up making deep creases on his forehead and then he went lax against you.

He slipped out of you gently. “Hon we need to get cleaned up,” he was leaning his head against your breast and completely still, like it was the right thing to say but he had no real intent behind the words.

“Come on, your right,” you rolled out from underneath him and walked towards the bathroom conscious of the way your thighs were tacky, skin sticking together as you walked. 

The lack of noise behind you had you convinced he was deciding to just lay in bed, but that was not happening for you, after you flipped the light and turned on the faucet you stuck your arm underneath the stream waiting for it to warm up. When the icy chill finally died away you hopped in warmth seeped past your skin and bones down deeper, lathering your body in the highly fruity scented soap, as if it was the closest you had ever been to being baptized.

You smiled softly when you heard Sam fumbling to get in behind you, “decided you didn’t want to wake up covered in dry jizz after all?” You were giggling, you felt light almost like you were floating as he ran his fingers through your damp hair, slick and smooth from your conditioner.

“Nah, I just like seeing you naked.” 

Your heart skipped a beat, this moment created a home you never had, not even before the pain with Dean. It was something you were making with Sam and even though it was only two of you, you knew this was your own family.


	11. Chapter 11

Sam always knew how to sleep better than you, and even though you had enjoyed your first night sans nightmares since the incident with Dean, you managed to rise before him. He was huge, legs thrown out and arms spread meant that you had curled up in the farthermost reaches of the bed to give him room, it was too early on to feel any kind of frustration about it. The sky was dim, but it was just the heavy clouds looming, when you glanced at the clock it told you firmly that it was 1:23pm which meant that the entire day was shot. The weather, the time, none of it could dampen your mood. Things with Sam had finally settled they felt right, there was only one problem that nagged at the back of your mind. 

Crawling out of the covers, you went to the window, and looked out onto the front lawn. There was the increasingly familiar landscape, the thick woods that encircled the front lawn which looked deep green and obviously unkempt, the gravel driveway and then you felt your stomach drop. That problem floating up to pop like a soap bubble in your mind, Dean. There was a empty space in front of the house where the impala had sat immobile ever since you and Sam had moved in, and now with him in bed you knew only one person who would have taken it. 

Not that you were exactly surprised, after the fight yesterday, there wasn't a large part of your mind that was focusing on the fact that you and Sam had essentially stolen his precious wheels. He was probably searching for the keys when he knocked over the book that alerted you to his presence initially and decided to at least leave the two of you stranded as a parting gift. Still, it wasn't so much of Dean being pissed and horrible or losing the impala that was tugging at you. 

This man wasn't Dean, he could be annoying, superior, and hell bent on keeping him and Sam together at all costs. Rape, torture, and if not for you and Sam possibly even murder. So the question was what was going on with him. A part of you resisted trying to potentially force yourself to face your attacker but now, to really be sure you could move on with this chance at a non hunting future, you knew the only option was trying to figure it out. 

"Whatcha looking at?" 

You felt your body jump at the words, but relaxed almost completely a second later. 

"Did you know that Dean took the impala?" You tried your best to both rush the words and sound casual because there was no doubting what Sam's reaction would be one way or the other. 

All he did was groan, and in it you could tell that he had, "He got into it after the fight, I was too out of it to think about the fact we have no way to drive out of here." 

Your turned to him and although your smile was a little mechanical you didn't let any concern show though, "It's not a big deal, we have some papers, we will find something and maybe some nice country folk will even drive it out here for us." 

"Or it could become something from _Deliverence_."

You rubbed a hand across your forehead and paused to pinch the bridge of your nose. You were starting to get to a better place about what Dean had done but, at the thought of hillbillies tormenting people, an image of his face twisted in rage floated in front of your closed eyes. "Stop." Although you tried to sound firm, your voice trembled a little at the last syllable. You didn't open your eyes. 

The rustling of blankets indicated that he was getting out of bed, but you weren't sure if he was just fed up of your mood swings or if he was just getting dressed because he didn't want to fight with you naked. When you felt his large palms tilt up your chin, you let out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding, and you let yourself look up. His face was calm and any annoyance you had felt in the conversation earlier melted away when he stared at you. You let yourself remember that for every terrible moment you had experienced in your life, that in some ways you were too lucky, because you were able to enjoy times like this. 

And then you went and shattered it all. 

"Sammy, we need to talk about Dean." 

You could tell, because he was standing so close, he wouldn't have been able to hide if he was angry. Even though it was clear that he was not ready to have this conversation. Which you found a little humorous, after all, it was you who had been brutalized. He had shifted a step backwards, his shoulders drooped, and his forehead was creased. All signs that you knew meant, _stop,don't,no_ , but you pressed forward. 

"Look, it isn't something I want to deal with either, but honestly we need to or we are both going to be stuck here," and when you noticed reason hadn't persuaded him, "and if he is still like this he could come back and hurt me again." 

"Fine, but really y/n, what is there to say?" 

"Are you kidding me, he's your brother, are we not going to talk about how weird all of this is?" 

"He's always been like this." 

"No he hasn't, Sam he _raped_ me. I get that he can be an ass and other stuff but this?" 

His gaze locked onto you, at first he was casually listening, but it was as if the words finally sunk in deeper. It was right then it struck you. Until now you had both been in a kind of shock, purely responding to this traumatic event, but as the pieces started to settle the oddness of everything that was going on landed. And it wasn't just what Dean had done to you. Gears were turning in the mind of the man standing in front of you, his sharp logic fitting together other instances that had seemed out-of-odds to the brother he had known, trying to pinpoint the moment that a man both of you knew so well had tipped into the realm of the unreasonable. 

"A shifter?" 

You paused, genuinely considering it, but you knew there was something off about it. It wasn't like someone was trying to play at being Dean, more like everything about him was taken further pushed to an extreme. Hence the declaration of love that had proceeded the outburst of violence. "No, it is like a spell or something," you knew it was more the something because you had never heard of any magic that did this. 

His expression told you, he agreed. 

You cast your own thoughts back to all of your interactions with Dean, searching for any detail that might be meaningful, then you grasped it. "His arm." 

"What?" 

You ignored him, lost in your own train of thought but you spoke out loud for his benefit, "when he came in here he kept glancing down at it, there was something he could see, it meant something to him." 

Neither of you had any answers, it wasn't much but you hoped that it would at least be a place to start. You knew it wasn't so much about trying to save Dean, whatever he had done he had kept from both you and Sam for a reason. Though you knew, a part of you was certain, he would just keep coming. If you picked up and moved on to a new city or even stayed on the road sleeping in some camper that he would find you. This was a necessary evil, there was also a more worried piece of you that thought if you couldn't find some mystical reasoning you might have to face the other reality. That Dean had finally drifted over the edge that all the years he had spent chasing monsters had turned him into one, you thought of people like Gordon or other nameless hunters ranting away in the loony bins because the life had finally caught up to them. That idea had you stuck, worrying that maybe that Dean would have to be put down for mundane reasons and your blood grew cold at the thought. 

"I'll hit the web see if I can shake anything loose." 

"Uh-huh." 

You churned over the pieces trying to reassure yourself that the moment of security and comfort you had with Sam in the early hours of dawn wouldn't be your last. It seemed unlikely though that things were going to ever go back to normal, if this was some mystical force of nature, part of you still grappled with the image of Sam and Dean in a brotherly embrace, able to erase everything he had done to you and sailing off back to the bunker. You knew that you might be able to have a life without Dean but with him, all of you together again. It didn't matter if he had been out of his mind, the smell of motor-oil choking you and his fingers clutching at your flesh would be all you would ever see when you looked into those eyes. 

You glanced at the bed and wished desperately that you could curl up and go back to sleep but you willed yourself to follow Sam and get started on the project from Hell.


	12. Chapter 12

At first it was slow, it seemed like the both of you had some reluctance at really investigating Dean but you kept going. Trying to figure out what he had been doing besides stalking you and lurking around your new home. There was some evidence that he had gone on a few hunts, more like slaughters from reports that you found. It wasn’t all that hard to keep on the trail, without Sam around, it seemed that he had gone rogue. Not caring how out in the open he was about killing monsters made him easy to track. The downside was that not many people were walking away from his carnage, including civilians. 

“I think I got something,” you continued to scan the article, “there was a report in at a local police station a few states over.” 

There had been something lurking, killing off the small towns inhabitant in very fascinating ways, the brains were all missing. Your skin crawled, but not because of the brain-sucking-beastie, “the official report talks about witnesses seeing a man holding up a woman at knifepoint, behind a local bar, before slitting her throat. The description matches Dean’s.” 

From the way Sam kept tapping his pen against the edge of his laptop you knew he was worried. He tried to play it cool, however, “must have been the thing attacking people.” 

“Maybe,” you didn’t want to make this harder, “the killings stopped after that.” 

Not adding the fact that the coroner didn’t mention anything unusual about the girl Dean killed. Besides the obvious markings that indicated a homicide. It could have been something else, a witch needing something for a ritual or a monster which looked like any other human, but you had doubts. 

The important piece wasn’t just how far Dean was willing to go, instead, it was about trying to figure out exactly when, and if there were any similarities in circumstances. Each story involving him had only one, ever since the vamp hunt. The last case that he had snaked from you when you were still living in the bunker, was normal, it checked out in every detail. After that night back at the motel any reports of Dean involved him threatening women, attacking them or even, most ominously, berating the victims. The last one was worrisome because they were the least easily explained. Sure it could have been one massive coincidence that Dean was only tracking monsters which happened to be largely female, but there were indicators that he was going after women who were not involved in anything mystical. Meaning that this last incident could have been a plain and simple murder. 

“I've been trying to find something in the lore that might explain his new attitude,” Sam said interrupting your thoughts. 

“Any luck?” 

“None.” 

It was another prime example of the more you know the worse you feel because rather than alleviating the worries that maybe some magic cure could fix Dean it was becoming glaring that this didn’t seem supernatural at all. You forced yourself to fixate on the one odd quirk that seemed wholly new, which was his strange glances at his arm, it was not yielding any results. Maybe you had imagined it or blew up a simple gesture in the fear of your mind. You figured given the trauma of what had happened to you anything was possible, and from what you knew about PTSD, there was evidence that supported the theory. Grasping at the small likely hood that it was a clue, you pushed your mind back to researching the hardest case of your life, Dean. All in all, it was a halting process. You and Sam would stop to compare notes but nothing was adding up and all that was left was trying to figure out what to do next. The impala being gone was adding to the hardships, not being able to drive to the library made the research much more limited. Sam leaned against the door frame of the kitchen and talked into the small handset that was set into the wall, it was an old place that luckily had an old phone, and he eventually had seemed to figure out the car situation. One plus for the day, anyway. 

Your body tensed when you heard the heavy knocks against the door, and even though you had been expecting the guy to show up, you shot out of your chair. You noticed the way hazel eyes locked on to you and when your Winchester wrapped his arm around your shoulder you calmed. There was something about seeing Dean the other night that left you feeling temporarily relieved but allowing yourself to fully immerse your mind into thoughts of him was making you jumpy again. Something as innocent as a tree branch scraping up against the glass panes of the windows had you tensing. At first, you had been sure that managing to escape Dean undamaged physically last time was a victory, now looking at his other victim's you wondered if he was just toying with you. 

Hearing the deep voice of in the room next to you helped to ease your fear, when he laughed so easily it helped make you feel like you were living something normal, no longer trapped in a wicked fairy tale. Knowing that he had his own nerves and feelings of rage and hope intermixing when it came to his brother made the guilt come up into your chest, he was like your superhero but you regretted you couldn't be stronger to help ease his burden. Trying to gather your own courage you sauntered into the room where he was being handed the keys to some unknown vehicle, you put on your most winning smile and slid in beside him. 

The boy handing over the keys looked younger, probably only about seventeen and his eyes roamed over your less than covered figure, you refused to let it get a rise out of you. 

"So what do our new wheels look like," you said to Sam as you kissed him on the cheek, playfully trying to peer out into the driveway. 

He caught on to the game fairly quickly because he quipped back, "I think it is a mustang." 

The young kid's eyes look terrified at the statement like maybe he was going to be robbed or charged with false advertising. You and Sam both laughed. 

"Just pulling your chain kid." The boy relaxed, "we know it's a ford and were grateful you drove it all the way out here." 

It dawned on you what that last statement meant, and Sam's troubled eyes drifting down to yours only cemented the fact, but again you were helping, not making things more difficult. 

"Babe, I am only going to drive him home and then come right back." Sam was obviously nervous about leaving you too, but it also didn't seem like he wanted to leave the house empty. 

You kept your smile going, "No problem." You kissed him lightly again. 

He quickly walked down the driveway, clearly trying to get this over with, and the teenager had to jog just to keep up with his massive strides. You quickly shut the door, knowing that if you stayed there watching them drive away you would be tempted to just start running after the car, and then you walked into the eerily silent front room. You winced at the still broken furniture that was scattered around, cleaning it up would undoubtedly ease some of the negative memories and wiping away any trace of Dean would help in the efforts to try and maintain this new life you had with his brother. Grabbing some heavy plastic trash bags from under the kitchen sink, ignoring the little puddle of water they had been sitting in for another day, you went back into the living room and started scooping up little wooden bits into the bags. It only took around twenty minutes but you were wishing the two of you didn't live quite as far away from civilization as you did because Sam was taking forever. Lastly, the broken stuff was thrown out and you just picked up the things that had been knocked over but hadn't needed to go in the trash heap. 

Once this room was clean you sat in the kitchen, which still happened to be your favorite room in the house, even after your nighttime visitor came. It reminded you of something from the 70's but in a fun retro way. You pictured the way Sam had been as he had twisted the white spring cord around his finger earlier, and then something hit you. The more important revelation about Dean than any stupid connection to his arm, Sam's cell. Ever since the two of you had left the motel room it had been all old style cord phones, no one had wanted to deal with the cells because Dean knew the numbers. You had been crazy enough to look at them but since then they had sat untouched. Maybe he would have left something on a voicemail or in a text that would give you a real lead. Maybe this way you could actually figure something out.


	13. Chapter 13

After settling into the new place, you hadn't thought much about the outside world or any object in particular from the life before this but as you dug through Sam's old duffel you were painfully reminded of what life used to be like. In the total silence of the little house, it was easy to picture the similarities, Sam used to leave you alone all the time back then too, granted at least now it wasn't as much about his lack of trust in your abilities and more about just living. You could recall the past though, him and Dean off hunting, while you sat and dreamed of the day when you might be able to have this. You only wished it hadn't cost so much in getting here. In your fantasy it had never involved some trauma that would have you and little Sammy hiding out in some place far away, it was too bad that even now far removed from the cold metal shell of the bunker, you and Sam were still stuck chasing down monsters unable to enjoy the solace.

Deep in the green canvas you found it, but you hesitated before grabbing the little white cord, twisting the charger around your index finger restlessly. There was a part of you that couldn't face this, charging up the phone, it would make everything that had happened seem real again. Black spots danced in your vision and you realized that you were so terrified you had stopped breathing. Inhaling you forced your trembling fingers to push the charger in and paced around while you waited for it to get enough juice. Eventually you knew the screen would light up and the little picture that would stare out at you was going to be you, Sam and Dean all together, it had been one of the only pictures the younger Winchester had managed to take of the three of you, Dean always made it clear that there wasn't time for that crap. As the minutes dragged by it was still dead only flashing the little red battery symbol at you, it had been off for, you couldn't even recall how long. So, you figured it might take a while. As the cell phone theme chimed out your heart thudded roughly, this was it. Images snapped in place one after the other, what had happened with Dean, the terror, and his bloody and battered face, the menacing text messages you had been desperate enough to glance through right after it had happened. 

The front door groaned, it was known for its love of sticking, but the sound had you instinctively cowering at the foot of the bed. Memories of spitting up blood onto the motel comforter, the gruff voice calling you bitch were the only things capable of penetrating your mind, your attempt at strength was forgotten completely. Until you heard words that were able to break through the din. 

"I'm back, went off without a hitch, and now we have a like new Ford Focus," when you didn't answer the voice became grave, "y/n, hey babe where are you?" 

"I'm in the bedroom." 

"What are you doing?" It wasn't an accusation, to which you were grateful.

Once you saw his mess of rich hazel hair peak around the corner of the opening to the bedroom you managed to relax, but your muscles disagreed with you, staying glued to the floor. He didn't even falter, just fumbled his way down beside you his arms wrapping you in a warm embrace. As he carded his fingers through your hair you chased the pressure there, somehow on every pass by your scalp, it was like he was dragging the memories out of your skull. There were so many stark differences between the two Winchesters, this moment reminded you of that, not just of Dean and how he was now. Back before when you would get angry at the pair of them for excluding you Sam was just different. He might have liked to boss you around, but just as often he was relaxed and loved to be with you just messing around, he wasn't only a warrior. There was a human capable of so much empathy and joy it was almost hard to believe that he had seen the kinds of evil he had. The older brother, well, things just had a way of keeping him separate from the feelings of other people. Right now, feeling the way the wood floor was bruising your sit bones, pressed up against the side of Sam it was nice that even through the fear and pain you had him coming home to you to count on. 

Shaking your head a little you forced yourself to focus on the task you had started, "I think I might have an idea on how to get some information on Dean." 

His hand stilled right on the nape of your neck, "from the fact that you are hiding out on the floor I am guessing it is a risky idea." 

It was your cue to pull it together, not because you needed to prove anything, but because you didn't want to give him any doubts about the idea. "Your cell." You picked it up carefully between your thumb and pointer finger, it was like touching a giant spider and you couldn't fully embrace the idea of holding it. In fact, you might have preferred holding a spider. 

Just from his look you knew that he was skeptical of doing this either, he had been the one who was studiously avoiding reminders of his connection with Dean, "what is that going to tell us?" 

You knew that it might be better to tell him right now that you had already had some knowledge of the clue it might hold, "I looked at the messages right after things went down back at the motel." You held up your hand when he started to gape at you, "alright so listen, it might tell us something about what he was doing before everything happened, maybe something went wrong on that vamp hunt or before that we could figure out."

"Do you realize that it might have been what put him on our trail in the first place, how he was able to find us here at all." 

You nodded, it had, of course, flitted through your mind that Dean could have easily tracked the phone when it was on, from there it would have taken even a novice hunter little time to track the two of you to this place. You didn't want to feel anger at the accusation but it was there bubbling anyway. Sam treated you, this whole damn situation like it was a fantasy or a story. The truth was you were living proof that it wasn't, that him trying to push away his brother and thoughts of him by ignoring it was out of the question because he was out there stalking you. He might have had the luxury of not glancing at the menacing words trapped in the confines of that phone, but you had to keep yourself informed because otherwise there was a shadow out there at any moment waiting to strike. 

"Stop, OK? Ignoring the root of all of this isn't going to change anything." You collected yourself trying to get your point across without letting your emotions overwhelm you, "I know that you want me to get better and feel safe, you have proved all of that, and I know you are angry with your brother, but you have got to stop trying to run away from him." 

His eyes were welling up and you knew that he finally understood, "don't." 

"You need to hear it, I'm so sorry, but all your life you see what he does to you and instead of facing it you run away from him, this time we just need to figure it out so you can face him." 

You watched as he turned the phone over in his hand, and you let out a sigh of relief as he started to scroll through everything on the phone, it was what needed to be done. After hours of going through the saved voicemails, cringing at the sound of Dean's voice as it changed to one of a loving brother to the thing he had become in the last few weeks, it seemed like you could narrow things down a little. It turned out that after the vamp hunt when he had learned that you had left, he had gone on his own hunt right after. He went to see someone about tracking you down, Sam hadn't let on about tracking your cell.

"Hey it's me, dude what do you mean she left? How could she just leave? Call me, I want to know exactly what she said." It was strange to hear Dean's voice again in a context that wasn't just a ghost sound reverberating in your mind. "Sammy I think I found someone who can help, I know witches suck but I hear that there is one pretty close by who has a knack for finding people, I have to see her again. Call me back." 

The first messages seemed normal he had been pissed but it was the kind of mad that came from a place of love, the apparent love that had eventually turned south a few days later when he found out about you and his brother, it wasn't exactly a crack in the case or anything but it was something. It was at least a possibility the witch had put some kind of whammy on him, it seemed unlikely that it was a spell but you were often surprised by the kinds of things you ran into in this line of work. Having a lead to chase was at least heading in the right direction, no more inaction, you and Sammy could be on the road in an hour and heading towards the last known place that Dean was when he was still at least in a semi-normal state. You tried not to think too hard about how he had been before the witch, for at least several weeks prior, this could give you insight to how he had been with someone other than you or Sam, at least if she was still alive.


	14. Chapter 14

You couldn't help but feel as though you needed to hold onto this place though, craving a way to sear the image of the family you had right now into your mind, otherwise you might never have it again. Deciding to hit the open road was a turning point and you knew it. Maybe you would fix everything with Dean, there was a slim chance of that, but you were certain that there would be other crisis to fix because it wasn't just the Winchester's that had a knack for hunting. It was who you were and once you got over this you would be desperate to go out there and help people. Another thing you and Sam had in common. Both of you were trying with every part of you to prove that you were something different than what you were born into. 

You paused in your attempts at packing,"Sam will you come here." You weren't sure he was going to hear you, the words were softer than you meant them to be. 

"Right here, y/n" 

Dropping your favorite knife onto the bedspread, you noticed how the metallic silver was contrasted against the soft floral pattern, and you faced him. Etching the look of the sun hitting his hair making it look tawnier than it really was. It seemed like he was lighter somehow, like owning up to the way he was with Dean had lifted years from him. Even Cas didn't compare angelically to your man right then. 

Your hands moved on their own accord tracing the hard line of his pec through the worn material of his gray t-shirt, and you heard him hum slightly at the sensation. 

"How about one more roll in the hay?" 

His hand gripped your wrist quicker than you expected. Halting your gentle motion. 

"I promise we are coming back."

You wiped a stray tear away that had managed to leak down towards your ear. It had been the culprit in giving away the mix of stormy emotions churning inside you. Your emotions weren't what was important right then, the sadness of leaving mingled with the joy of your finding this piece of heaven with the younger Winchester. What did matter, was the way his hand was seeping warmth into your skin. The lightness that was radiating off of him, mixing into the blackness that seemed to be such a part of you that it was coursing through your veins. Things were simpler when he touched you. It was in every molecule of his body, a way of comforting some part of you that was broken.

"I think some part of us will always be leaving." You weren't trying to sound defeated, but you believed it at your core.

Dripping down, he kissed you, somehow the press of his lips against you seemed to quiet your thoughts. You forced your tongue into his mouth desperate to taste him. His mouth had the tingle that came from his spearmint toothpaste, you scraped your teeth against his bottom lip, tugging it a little. There was a battle between the movements between you, Sam was deliberate and paced himself, while you were hungry and wanting more. Together it was like a tango, precise and measured, with an air of spontaneity. Between your legs, you felt a tingle of interest as he worked a trail of kisses along the edge of your jaw down your neck.

When he reached the neck of your tank top he tugged the fabric playfully in his teeth, as he let go you felt the thin elastic snap lightly against your skin, and you took it as a sign it needed to come off. Barring your skin to him was easy, letting yourself be vulnerable because it was clear from the sight of him just how desirable he found you. He casually rubbed himself through his jeans, as he watched you undress. Unhooking your bra, letting the straps fall off your shoulders before pulling it off, and finally shimmying out of your simple black thong. In three short steps, you were close enough to touch him. Instead, kneeling before him, now completely naked, you tugged at the button of his pants.

Taking him into your mouth, you savored the salty tang of him, and although your jaw was strained you enjoyed the weight of him against your tongue. You bobbed your head, trying to take him as deep as possible, occasionally gagging slightly when you got over enthusiastic. Sam was large everywhere. Wrapping your fist at the base of his shaft, you twisted your hand to compensate for your ability to take him any deeper. Looking up past the fringe of your bangs, you could see the cords straining in his neck, his head was thrown back in pleasure. Pulling off with an obscene pop you came up to kiss the length of his throat. 

When you reached the curve of his ear you said the only thing you could think of, "I love you." 

"I love you, sweetheart." He said brushing the hair out of your eyes. 

His fingertips brushed along your cheek, down the hollow of your neck and finally handed on your nipple. He played with one until it was peaked and you found yourself growing damp at your core. You giggled nervously when he tugged it gently before moving onto the other. Your body was buzzing, the sensations of his touch mingled with the slight stickiness from where he was now kissing and licking at your skin, you needed something harder, more pressure to tip yourself over the edge.

His eyes were shining, clearly, he knew the effect he was having on you, he loved to tease you. He was the softness to your bite. You thought that the best thing you could do was leave him feeling just as wanton and desperate as you did. You wrapped your hand around his length and made sure to rub your thumb along the head as you stroked him, his eyes snapped shut, and you felt a jolt go through you at your clear victory. 

"You seem to be enjoying yourself," you mused aloud. 

He huffed a deep breath, agreeing, you assumed.

It was your cue to bring things to the bed, you moved away from him to push past the packed clothes and dingy duffle bag, and shoved his chest to sit him down. Luckily, the backs of his knees were already towards the edge of the bed. He fumbled down, his pants just undone enough to cause a slight problem. Helpful as always you removed the offending garment. Then once his jeans were off, you got off his t-shirt and boxers. You wanted to feel his skin against yours. Straddling him, you climbed into his lap, the position was perfect for you to slide onto him. His length inside you was perfect, you began to bounce on top of him when his hands spanned your hips. He started to control the pace, faster until you were barely able to control the motion at all, letting him guide you to the brink of your orgasm. 

He stopped, causing the moment to come to an abrupt halt. 

"Hey, no fair." You whined playfully. 

He moved you, shifting your weight easily, and positioning your back against his chest. 

"This will be better I swear." His tone was endearing enough, you let him be in charge. 

He knew exactly how to snap his hips, to move at the perfect angle to hit your g-spot on every thrust. Your nails scraped at his knees as you leaned forward slightly, exposing the curve of your back to him. You felt him panting against the nape of your neck, and the softness of his lips on your skin as he increased the pace. You were so close you eyes fell shut and blanked out everything but the way he felt inside you. 

You were barely coherent when he finished, you figured he had only needed a few moments after you tipped over the edge, but it could have been hours. Your body felt limp against him, carefully he lifted you off his legs and you tried to stand shakily before you let yourself fall sideways onto the mattress. The room was starting to flood back to you, you wanted to laugh at the fact that your clothes would be rumpled and reek of sex now. Hopefully, none of them would have any stains. You couldn't find it in yourself to care much. You pushed your back flat on the bed, and your hand felt around to touch Sam. When it landed on more clothes and some bunched up bedding you forced your eyes open. The hallway light was on, you figured he had gone to get himself cleaned up and you knew you should too. 

The shower was running and steam was fogging up the little mirror, there was something about the grace that he held even doing something as simple as cleaning himself, it constantly left you amazed. Sliding in, in front of him, you didn't miss the way his mouth quirked up at seeing you. You let him lather up your body and scrub your hair, it was all so soft and careful. Nothing really sexual about the motion, he was taking care of you after and you knew it. 

"I'm glad that were hunters, and now I think we should go find that witch." 

You were glad that you finally felt ready.


End file.
